Breaking Ranks

As you start to live a more feeling-based life…

You will begin to notice how much of your life is obligation-based.

And what you were once numb to will become uncomfortable. Like a tag on your collar that pokes you in the neck all day. Or a pebble in your shoe.

And from that point onward you will have to make conscious decisions on things that you’ve been blindly going along with. (Sorry.)

And one day, an obligation will become intolerable in its wrongness, a wrongness that everyone ignores but you.

And your heart/brain/gut/genitals will compel you to break ranks.

(And it will be the first of many times that this happens to you.)

And, yes, some people will be pushed out of shape, as you anticipated.

And in those times there are a few things I would want you to bear in mind.

First, the intensity of their reaction is fueled by their own resentment at the obligation. It is fueled by the intrinsic unfairness of you striking out on your own while they are stuck fulfilling their duties. They are lashing out at you with the full force of an Ego Identity that is facing an existential threat and fighting for its life.

And they desperately need you to fail or be severely punished for your insubordination, because your success and happiness would be doubly unfair, doubly threatening.

Second, your actions — your fierce loyalty to the lead of your felt sense — serves as permission to others to do the same. And those who are thrown into the worst turmoil in the face of your act of rebellion are the most in need of liberation, and the most ripe for it.

And on those occasions when someone who fought you most bitterly winds up following your lead in the end, it will be doubly rewarding.

Third, remember that some part of you senses that this other way is better. That’s the whole point. You are not compelled to go against the grain just ‘cuz. Some part of you is insistently drawn toward something better. So give your internal compass a chance to demonstrate its rightness. (Or even the chance to learn and become more accurate.)

© 2016 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.

About the author:

Ken’s passion topic these days is how women’s empowerment intersects with intimate coupledom. A former Apple software engineer turned international sex and intimacy educator turned relationship coach, Ken is in his 20th year helping couples co-create, bond, have great sex, thrive, and live happily ever after. His work has garnered mentions in Business Insider, Playboy, Cosmo, Tim Ferriss’s 4-Hour series and elsewhere. Find out more at kenblackman.com.