“I want to be worshiped” / “I want to surrender”

I don’t want to give in, 
but I do want to surrender.

I don’t want to be controlled, 
but I do want to be led.

I don’t want to be owned, 
but I do want to be worshiped.

(From “On the paradox of being a woman who desires men…” by Arielle Brown)


Guy on Facebook: I am not sure if I want to worship a woman, then it will be the same thing as man being owned by a woman, that probably is just reversal of roles.

[Several other guys also objected to the word “worship.”]

Me: How do you feel about her desire to surrender to you?

Guy: I don’t really know what that means .. sounds also like a lot of responsibility

Me: One example would be you overpower her in a way that feels good to her. In the bedroom or elsewhere.

Another example would be, when she’s struggling and battling her own internal demons, you’re capable of being her steadfast beacon of clarity and sanity, even in those moments when she thinks you’re the enemy and starts fighting you. You can fucking HANDLE her crazy ass. And I mean that in a good way. You have benevolent strength and rightness that serves her, even in a moment where she doesn’t trust you. Afterward she’s extremely grateful, because no one else could do it.

Another example would be, she’s so happy with you, and the relationship is so good, she has an upwelling of gratitude and reverence and a moment of thinking, I would do anything this man asked of me. And instead of worrying that she’s losing her sovereignty — because that’s just not something you ever have to worry about with this woman — or that it’s some kind of burden, you accept the role and allow her to experience it as an expression of her extreme happiness.

Powerful people sometimes crave the experience of something or someone they can relinquish control to, surrender to… in a good way.

All of these could go both directions. There may be times you worship her, in the sense of experiencing reverent devotion that has no hint of self-diminishment or loss of power on your part. (It’s the difference between surrender vs. acquiescence.)

There may be times when you’re the one who’s lost, struggling and distrustful, and all you have is faith and a fundamental belief in her as reason to submit to her lead.

Guy: okay .. I think I understand. thanks

Copyright © 2018 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.

“A woman is sitting crossed legged with her arms opened.” by Alexa Mazzarello on Unsplash

About the author:

Ken Blackman has worked with hundreds of couples from San Francisco to Paris to Sydney, and trained thousands of students in his workshops on sex, intimacy and connection. With nearly two decades of experience, Ken’s powerful, unapologetic break from conventional relationship advice is shifting the world conversation around love and committed coupledom.

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