It’s 2017 and it’s still possible for a woman to be TOO capable to be considered a good mate. WTF!
THE PROBLEM is we’re still stuck with our grandparents’ sensibilities about how romantic relationships are supposed to work.
A woman can be TOO capable — too intelligent, too accomplished, too sexually self-assured, make too much money — to be considered a good mate.
We may think we’re way beyond this. I mean, sure, there’s a vocal group of overtly misogynist men who are outspoken in their hostility or fear… but thankfully, they are not the majority (or even the norm, depending on where we live).
But then there’s all the men for whom a highly capable, successful, intelligent, sexually awake woman is, to their mind, the woman of their dreams… but they don’t know what to do with her when they encounter her. They’re more in their zone of competence with a woman who lacks or hides those qualities.
This is a result of history and culture. It’s pretty pervasive. And it’s one of the things I’m out to change. Society has failed us, men and women, in providing guidelines for how men are supposed to be with a powerful, capable woman.
Hence some men becoming domineering, others subservient, and others just kind of intimidated. They may feel like everything they thought they knew about how romantic coupledom is supposed to work, isn’t working. (Even as they find they’re more into this woman, more invested in this relationship succeeding, than they’ve ever felt about anyone before.)
Meanwhile, the societal message to women is that their best move is to make themselves smaller, less threatening, to have problems a man can be the hero / solution to. To get into his range, shrink to his zone of competence.
So let me be absolutely clear here. A relationship in which she’s fully, unapologetically who she is can be vastly better — for both of them — than one where she’s trying to stay small for his sake.
But they’re going need a new set of guidelines for how to be with each other.
© 2017 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.
About the author:
Ken Blackman has worked with hundreds of couples from San Francisco to Paris to Sydney, and trained thousands of students in his workshops on sex, intimacy and connection. With nearly two decades of experience, Ken’s powerful, unapologetic break from conventional relationship advice is shifting the world conversation around love and committed coupledom.