Mediocre sex is not an option.

Ken Blackman
Jul 6, 2017 · 5 min read

Long-term relationships are the ideal opportunity to have the best sex life you’ve ever had.

When you define sex as pleasuring each other’s genitals, and pare away any concept, attachment, meaning or connotation that conflicts with that definition, you quickly run out of excuses for being either disinterested in sex or not “good at it.”

No body doesn’t want good sex with a connected partner. “Good sex” meaning pleasurable physical stimulation of the genitals and body. Sensual contact.

Every person’s genitals can be pleasurably engaged. Including yours, and your partner’s.

Set aside every preconception about what sex is supposed to look like, and just fucking do the research together until you’re both masterful at generating pleasure in each other’s genitals.

Just that.

All successful intimate relationships are 5% finding the right person and 95% what two people co-create together.

What we craft can, over time, far exceed what we could ever find.

But you actually have to put the time in.

(The reason we’re drawn to long-term relationship is precisely because deep down we know the potential of something that can only be built over time, something that gets progressively better and more valuable to both partners.)

You have the inside track with this person — the time, the commitment, the invitation — to become the best lover they’ll ever have. And for them to become the best lover you’ll ever have.

Here are things that get in the way of good sex:

Here are things that don’t get in the way of good sex:

See how this goes?

Everything else that sex is — what it means, what role it plays in the relationship—is fun and useful and valuable, to the degree that it’s not at odds with the basic definition of pleasurable physical contact between connected people, inclusive of the genitals. That definition leaves you with no excuses and plenty of opportunity to have a fantastic, dare I say enviable, long-term sex life together. Regardless of where your sex life is currently at, this is the starting point for having it get progressively better over time.


Like this article? Then you’ll love “Five Steps to Simultaneous Orgasm(and so will your partner). Download the free e-book here!


© 2017 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.

About the author:

Ken Blackman has worked with hundreds of couples from San Francisco to Paris to Sydney, and trained thousands of students in his workshops on intimacy and connection. His work has received attention everywhere from Cosmopolitan to Business Insider to Playboy. With nearly two decades of experience, Ken’s powerful, unapologetic break from conventional relationship advice is shifting the world conversation around love and committed coupledom.


Sex + Connection

Direct, honest discourse on relationships, love, sex, and life

Ken Blackman

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Sex and Connection Expert. ken@kenblackman.com

Sex + Connection

Direct, honest discourse on relationships, love, sex, and life