Resolution Does Not Mean Staying Together
Ever break up with someone, only to have the spark suddenly return?
When you finally decide the best thing to do is to break up — and all the grappling, fighting, indecision, the anguish of future plans hanging in the balance, all come to a halt — you might feel strange mix of sadness, mourning, and relief.
And something surprising can happen: you might start to like your partner again, in a way you haven’t in awhile.
You start to peel away layer upon layer of resentments, unmet expectations, hurt feelings, entitlements, disappointments, and dependencies from your view of them, like so many ugly outfits you VR’d onto them. You start to see them differently, maybe more like who they were to you when your relationship was in bloom.
You may regain the capacity to appreciate them, to remember what it was you liked about them, to fondly recall good times you had. You might even feel an attraction for them you haven’t felt in awhile.
And there’s a pitfall to be aware of here. These feelings aren’t surprising at all, in fact they’re a really good sign. Of what though? It’s super-easy to misinterpret them as a signal that maybe things could go back to the way they were. Instead of what they really are, which is an indicator that the…
