Resolved vs. Unresolved Breakups
Breaking Up Does Not Mean Resolution
The difference
Not all breakups are hostile. I wrote earlier about what a breakup can sound and feel like when the partners can still see each other’s humanity and inherent rightness while coming to realize they’re not right for each other as life partners.
I would call this a breakup with resolution. The decision to separate is due to incompatibility or wanting different things, rather than escalating animosity.
A breakup without resolution is one where their perception of each other has soured and never gets restored. They don’t really understand each other, or they’ve lost respect for each other, or they disagree so strongly that they’re convinced the other is in the wrong, or their anger/upset over something evolved into contempt. Perhaps a combination of these.
Often, bad things snowball from there. The most epic relationship disasters — think 𝘚𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦, 𝘞𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘒𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘷𝘴. 𝘒𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳, 𝘞𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘈𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘝𝘪𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘢 𝘞𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘧?, 𝘈 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘉𝘰𝘳𝘯, 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬-𝘜𝘱, 𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘺 — are set into motion by a breakdown in how partners perceive each other.
