Skillful Passion (a lesson in fighting)

If you fight, fight like a pro.

Here’s a novel thought. If the two of you tend to get into fights or arguments, I might not necessarily coach you on how not to.

You might be surprised to find that I’m not coaching you on how to suppress your emotions so that you can have a calm discussion.

Passion is the stuff of relationships. Plenty of people wish for the passion you have.

If you’re truly mad at someone, and your solution is to block it, you’ve just blocked any hope of being truly happy with them.

Why not become adept in the realm of intense emotions.

If you fight, fight like MMA fighters:

  1. They bring their full-on passion.
  2. They fight clean.
  3. They continue all the way to a conclusion.
  4. They embrace afterward, and mean it.
  5. This is important: they hate seriously injuring the other person. They‘re not out to break bones. It’s almost as devastating for them as it is for the person they injured.

So if you’re both passionate human beings, with the unfortunate side effect that you fight like cats and dogs, what you’re hoping to avoid isn’t so much heated disagreement, per se, as it is the wreckage that ensues when you’re inept at fighting.

I’d rather have you both become skillfully passionate — even skillful fighters — than walking on eggshells with each other, or trying to feign that you’re not emotional, or demonizing your own or each other’s feelings.

How about learning to stay connected even in the heat of intensity of your emotions.

How about learning not to injure each other, or yourselves, or the relationship.

Most importantly, how about learning to make it all the way through to resolution, where the experience brings you closer to each other than you were before. (And you never have to argue about that topic again.)

And how about cultivating resilience. (Not callousness. Resilience. A skill that will serve you beyond just your relationship.)

If you really want to fight less, or take the intensity down a notch, that’s not hard to do. There’s internal work for you to do that, as a side effect, will have you less prone to fighting (or rageful, angry, or otherwise out-of-control emotions in general).

But it’s not going to be by way of trying to stuff down or amputate your passionate nature.

Source: permission granted

© 2017 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.