The simplest math of how to touch a clitoris

(Hint: it’s similar to a penis with one tiny difference.)

Fact: the average clitoris is about 5 millimeters.
Fact: the average penis is about 130 millimeters.
That’s a size difference of over 25 times.

To state the obvious, direct feedback from your partner trumps any advice you read online. If you’re waaaaaay off-base though, she can only attempt to dial you in so much before it becomes easier for her to pretend to enjoy it and get whatever pleasure she can from what you’re doing. If you’re at least in the ballpark to begin with, you have a much better chance of getting from there to something truly enjoyable.

So in that spirit…

When you’re touching a woman’s clitoris, think about what feels good to your penis, and then shrink it down by a factor of 25. Take your basic penile stroke and divide by 25.

In other words, tiny movements. Not just the range of motion though. Also use only about 1/25th the amount of pressure. Pressing into a clitoris to a depth of a couple sheets of paper is like squeezing into your hard penis by about the thickness of a pamphlet or a magazine. It’s a lot of pressure. There’s a ton of highly sensitive nerve endings crammed into that tiny space.

Maybe also try moving 25 times slower than you would do to yourself. Again, just as a starting place.

To give you a sense of what it feels like when you touch her without the 25x adjustment factor, imagine subjecting your dick to a jackhammer, or sand paper. Too much.

If you have to choose, it’s generally better to start with “not enough” and have her guide you to give her more (e.g. faster or harder) than to start with too much. Using your penis as an analogy, a teasing stroke may have you ask for more, but a painful stroke is a vibe killer. (Unless you’re into it.)

So as a starting point, think of her clitoris* as a tiny, ultra-sensitive penis and touch it accordingly. Then you are at least in the ballpark. Ask her what might make it better. Keep inviting her to give you honest feedback until she feels unabashedly at ease letting you know what she likes and what she wants.

And yes, you can eventually learn to touch her just right with little to no guidance needed. But getting guidance is how you get there.

Notes:

*The average clitoris is about 5 millimeters. I know. That’s just the glans. But as this short video illustrates, the clitoral glans and the penis are developmental/anatomical analogs. For the purposes of this article, it’s the right comparison.

Also worth noting that, like the clitoris, the shaft of the penis doesn’t end at the base, it continues into the body and is accessible for pleasurable stimulation through the perineum.

Copyright © 2018 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.

About the author:

Ken’s passion topic these days is how women’s empowerment intersects with intimate coupledom. A former Apple software engineer turned international sex and intimacy educator turned relationship coach, Ken is in his 20th year helping couples co-create, bond, have great sex, thrive, and live happily ever after. His work has garnered mentions in Business Insider, Playboy, Cosmo, Tim Ferriss’s 4-Hour series and elsewhere. Find out more at kenblackman.com.