The average clitoris is about 5 millimeters.
The average penis is about 130 millimeters.
That’s a size difference of over 25 times.
To state the obvious, direct feedback from your partner trumps any advice you read online. If you’re waaaaaay off-base though, she can only attempt to dial you in so much before it becomes easier for her to pretend to enjoy it and get whatever pleasure she can from what you’re doing. If you’re at least in the ballpark to begin with, you have a much better chance of getting from there to something truly enjoyable.
So in that spirit…
When you’re touching a woman’s clitoris, think about what feels good to your penis, and then shrink it down by a factor of 25. Take your basic penile stroke and divide by 25.
In other words, tiny movements. Not just the range of motion though. Also use only about 1/25th the amount of pressure. Pressing into a clitoris to a depth of a couple sheets of paper is like squeezing into your hard penis by about the thickness of a pamphlet or a magazine. It’s a lot of pressure. There’s a ton of highly sensitive nerve endings crammed into that tiny space.
Maybe also try moving 25 times slower than you would do to yourself. Again, just as a starting place.
To give you a sense of what it feels like when you touch her without the 25x adjustment factor, imagine subjecting your dick to a jackhammer, or sand paper. Too much.
So as a starting point, think of her clitoris* as a tiny, ultra-sensitive penis and touch it accordingly. Then you are at least in the ballpark. Ask her what might make it better. Keep inviting her to give you honest feedback until she feels unabashedly at ease letting you know what she likes and what she wants.
If you found that useful… consider downloading the expanded version of this article. Using your own body as a reference you can learn:
- The G-spot—how it functions and even get a sense of what it feels like to her, so you have a much better idea of what you’re doing
- Orgasm during sex—sex doesn’t feel the same to her as it does to you, but here’s how to understand the difference and make it great for both of you
- More about the clitoris—there’s a lot more to it than you think
You can download the PDF here to read at your own leisure. (Or if you’re the one who has a clitoris, send a copy to your partner!)
*The average clitoris is about 5 millimeters. I know. That’s just the glans. But as this short video illustrates, the clitoral glans and the penis are sexual analogs. For the point of this article it’s the right comparison. The expanded article goes into the internal structure of the clitoris and helps guys understand it.
Copyright © 2018 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.
About the author:
Ken Blackman has worked with hundreds of couples from San Francisco to Paris to Sydney, and trained thousands of students in his workshops on sex, intimacy and connection. With nearly two decades of experience, Ken’s powerful, unapologetic break from conventional relationship advice is shifting the world conversation around love and committed coupledom.