“Slices of bread with fresh figs and cucumber dill spread on a cutting board” by robyn randolph on Unsplash

Your prospects for a great love life with your long-term partner

One of the biggest misconceptions out there has to do with whether sex improves or declines in a committed relationship, and what it takes to have a great love life long-term.

Here’s an analogy. Let’s say that the two of you have a standing dinner date of cooking and enjoying a meal together, a couple times a week. And let’s say you’re more or less consistent about it over a number of years — gradually improving on your favorite dishes, making recipes your own, learning the nuances of this or that herb, allowing for your tastes to change, cultivating your collaborative flow in the kitchen, mastering this or that technique or cuisine, skillfully combining flavors, etc.

(And deepening your connection, your capacity to savor a good meal, your presence with each other, your mutual love, communication skills, intimacy, appreciation, generosity, etc.)

Over time, with little effort or drama, your ritual ripens and evolves to be a consistently profound shared experience. That becomes the norm. Your little home-cooked meal together rivals all but the very best restaurant experience.

Well your love life can follow a similar path, if you both want it to.

When I’m working with a couple, the very simple shifts they make in how they relate with each other are what elevate the relationship to a superlative experience. There’s no jumping the shark, struggling with boredom, getting bogged down with issues or needing to develop olympic athleticism. There’s no reason why in 5 or 10 or 20 years they can’t continue to enjoy a sensual life together that keeps evolving and improving.

Copyright © 2018 by Ken Blackman. All rights reserved.


Welcome to Sex School, a series on physical intimacy. Ken Blackman has been teaching workshops and coaching couples worldwide for nearly two decades.

Interested in working with Ken? Tell him a little about yourself here.