The Troubles
(not Ireland)
They were having trouble or troubles. At first perhaps it was the screen, the resolution not tight enough but that didn’t help. At least not that day. Even going out in to the world the trouble continued, the greens reds browns never resolved, looked unexpected, wrong in a way undefinable, unexplained.
Returning they enlarged the view, changed the font, preferred serif now sans now bold now big — could work but not well. Thought tired thought sick?, made food, cleaned maybe more light, less light bed new day might help.
Waken dark awake no point in pretending no one to pretend to. Up then coffee eggs bread trouble seem to have passed.
3 days go by, they are relieved whatever that was, what was it?, passed and could only niggle back of mind no mind just a minor niggle something of no concern or a concern small and back of mind nothing to mention, no need to speak of, a bit of fear to mention because it passed and if it was of a serious nature but that could not be since it passed and was of course no longer of concern.
3 days passed and troubles returned different colors, the world, no matter what font, outside at least the clouds resembled clouds, the sky?, well that had a pinkish greenish tinge now that was sickly perhaps a vomiting of some far off disaster or one not read yet about nearer.
Tired to go about go about as if a normal day normal person, spoke with all normally a hidden way to hide from to not tell themselves that others might notice\not notice that the trouble caused a lack of calling, a lack of knowing who was being spoken to, that the one (they) speaking did not recognize the ones spoken to. That something was wrong.
The troubles only lasted the whole day.
We say only but the seed gently pressed into the rich soil of concern was now watered fed and had sprouted. Concern now had primary leaves and watered reached for a brighter light searched for light to grow into full blown worry. Something beyond concern.
They did not know this, this was something that was happening inside, a mental thing that, as metaphor, was to be dismissed was to be unknown. They did not want an additional worry. They had worries enough already.
An additional worry could have been that straw, the final one and they had not yet reconciled to anything final.
Again the troubles seemed to pass, again. Again they forgot, went on with life as though there were no troubles before and no troubles now as though there would be no troubles hence.
Of course, this was not to be, as hence was to be full of the troubles, as the troubles continued|grew from concern into another vinous worry, climbing out from the back of mind into a frontal assault of mindfulness. Their mind now full of the idea, knowing that, fear of even, the trouble would return unexpected(?) no would not could return and as trouble like the worry the troubles only grew, got worse.
Words on the screen, on paper, blurred once now unseen or presence yes but not comprehended words spoken to or by began then become vague meanings lost confusion mainly then remains.
They struggled with this lack of focus approached the problem weedkillers to the plant none worked confusion provided no solutions. A sickly metaphor, but they worried that it was an illness.
Reluctant to get advice reluctant to ask or seek out help forced by the circumstance yet confused about how, what words to use to explain the concern how to tell the story to the ones who provide care, or might.
Even reluctant they slowly, with caution moved forward towards those. The ones, who could|might for a price, a price for those willing to pay, towards and the price they would be willing, forced to be willing, due to the concern the growing worry …
Suddenly confronted they realized that they were dithering. Not, previously, thought to be a ditherer, not a self-description, they resolved to go.
It was too late.
The vision on the screen disappeared and as the letters were no longer there neither were they.
