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New AI Hits Your Kids For You
“A real time saver,” says your uncle.
Picture this: You’re tired. You’ve spent the last three days delivering Uber Eats, subsisting off of bag-fries energy drinks. Finally, you manage to break even on the gas-tip ratio long enough to stop at home for a shit/shower/sleep. Your child asks where you’ve been. You notice they’re holding a report card. Now you not only need to sign a paper reflecting on your inability to help your child learn, but you need to disclipline the little shit. If only there was a time-saving solution for the child-abuser-on-the-go…
THERE IS! Thanks to a new tech startup’s failure to enter the emerging BDSM tech market, their new product is flying off shelves as a rebranded tool for parenting. With Impactr, you can finally enjoy some peace and quiet while a dependable humanoid machine beats your children for misbehaving!
With a variety of settings originally meant for roleplay, Impactr can call your child a variety of pronouns and placeholders such as Son, Baby girl, and even you dirty little slut. Once a beating is administered, Impactr will enter aftercare mode, holding your bruised, blubbering offspring gently and whispering that it loves them and…
