Member-only story
New Cryptid? Millennial Not Depressed
Attempts at commiseration met with genuine optimism.
It can be fun to indulge in some cryptid theorizing. Whether you’re a true believer in Moth Man, longing for a spotting of the elusive Bigfoot or saving money to visit the Loch Ness Monster, people all over the world enjoy superstitious creatures.
Some do so with a sense of irony, but hold a small part of childlike wonder at the idea. Others get a little…passionate about their belief. It’s hard to tell where anybody lies when a new one is discovered. Such is the case of a recently discovered cryptid: Robert.
Robert is allegedly a man in his early 30s who, despite it all, isn’t depressed. Raised as a middleclass millennial in a New England suburb, Robert has been there through it all. He witnessed the devastation of 9/11, lost good friends to war in Afghanistan, helped his family through multiple financial crises and stood aghast as his beloved country has been battered by divisive hatred, senseless gun violence and endless natural disasters.
“Here’s the catch,” says local freelance writer Jordan Mochrie, “he’s doing fine.”