Crossroads

“Think 100 times before you take a decision, but once that decision is taken, stand by it as one man.” — Muhammad Ali Jinnah

Have you ever gone to the supermarket looking for a certain product only to discover that there are more options than you can handle? You stand back confusedly staring at the wall of possible decisions hoping that the best product will standout, but it doesn’t. The longer you try to decipher the differences between the blue package, the red package and the black package the more overwhelmed and confused you become. This state of frustration reaches its limit and you finally tell yourself, “The hell with it, you just have to choose one.”

Life can seem strikingly similar to staring at an aisle of options. It is at this crossroad I currently find myself, only, the decisions that I have to make are life altering and the possible options feel seemingly endless. Over the past few months I have gone through multiple paradigm shifts in many areas of my life (which is another entry entirely) however, one shift has led me to ask the unanswerable question, “What is the meaning of life?”. On a grand scale I have no idea what the meaning of life is, although on a personal level I want to live in such a way as to live intentionally, have awareness, promote peace, love and help people, be kind and generous to all things, continue in personal growth and to leave the world more beautiful than I found it. Certainly, in anything I choose to do, I can pursue these goals.

But that is where the crossroad appears, I can choose to do anything. Ideally, I want to do something where my passions and desire to help people coincide. Do I want to go into journalism or law? Teach at primary school or university? Sustainable architecture or work with an NGO? Do I want to do something more artistic or write? Should I pursue a master’s degree and then decide? If I do decide on a M.A. what do I want to major in? Do I prefer to live abroad or in the U.S.?

I am grateful that I am fortunate enough to have these options to choose from, but being grateful doesn’t make these decisions any less daunting. I’m the type of person that, once I make a decision, I put my heart and soul into it. So naturally, I want to make the wisest choice which involves weighing the pros and cons of each possibility. I tend to become obsessive about this step, trying to predict the outcome of each path. And that is the thing, I can’t predict the future. I have to learn to let go of my need for control, make the best decision I can (however imperfect it may be) and let life unfold.

At the moment I’m just a bundle of confusion, waiting for the fog to clear. Although, I must admit that there is something beautiful about a future unknown, a future where anything is possible and I am free to live life on my terms. Maybe that is why I am so hesitant to choose a path, I’m avoiding commitment in hopes that the sense of freedom that this state of limbo provides will last forever.

My future is a blank slate and the adventure of life goes on…