It isn’t me that’s living my life, it’s my desires
I’ve come to realise that there’s two parts of me. The rational part that looks for the healthy and long term, and the hedonic part that looks for the pleasure and the short term. Now, I know many psychologists and famous figures such as Sigmund Freud and others have already talked about this phenomenon. But this is neither a science- affirming nor a science-denying blog, it’s a blog on my understanding of MY life, based on the short experiences I’ve lived through. If it aligns with science, then so be it, if it doesn’t, so be it.
Recently, as a minimum wage worker, I’ve been asking myself the question of why do some of my friends have more than what I have? Why do some people live more comfortably than others? Why do some people get what they want and others don’t? The easy answer to this will be “well, they just got lucky”. A slightly harder but still relatively easy answer would be “they have a much more supportive environment ”. These answers might be true in some cases but not most. The cliche and probably right answer for this question is that the people that get what they want are usually hard-working and never give up. I always hated this answer because it’s just as vague as “they got lucky”. I need it to be more specific. Because here’s the thing. We all know someone in our lives that is a hard worker, someone who takes that extra step. They had a very similar upbringing to us. You laugh at the same jokes, you agree on mostly everything and have the same outlook on life. But somehow they work harder? What is the difference between me and my YouTuber friend with 20 subscribers who constantly uploads videos? What’s pushing him? My understanding to this matter is this:
Hard workers are able to suppress their need for instant gratification.
That’s it. That’s the main difference. That’s what separates the achievers from the non achievers. To elaborate, as humans, we know what is good and healthy for us most of the time. We also want to attain it. I believe this version of the self is the core of our character. However, a lot of people are incapable of working hard and pushing through. They are incapable of taking that extra step that puts them above everybody else. A lot of people don’t know what hard work looks like. That is because the hedonic and pleasure-seeking part of ourselves is not controlled. Rather, it is controlling the self. People that achieve their goals are able to tame their hedonic behaviour.
The tricky part is knowing when I’m displaying hedonic behaviour and when am I not. Because most of the time, its happening on a subconscious level. For example, when I take a break from studying for my upcoming exam with the thought of “I deserve a break”, do I really deserve one? Or did I just convince myself that because I WANT to take a break? When I postpone a certain project with the though of “I don’t have time”. Do I really not have time? Or is my time just filled with unnecessary hedonic behaviour? You may notice by now the keyword here; discipline.
How to mix discipline in my life?
I don’t know the answer to this question. However, I do know that you don’t have to discipline yourself forever. Discipline becomes less needed with time. As humans, a lot of our actions are influenced by habits and conditioning. I’m sure you heard examples of this. Driving a car becomes as simple as riding a bike once you get used to it. Going to the gym doesn’t feel like a chore once you are months in. Brushing your teeth doesn’t feel as annoying once you do it for a week. All these things turn into habits. You stop thinking about them and you just do it. There’s not as much cognitive focus happening once you turn these actions into habits. The goal is to form habits that contribute to the development of the healthy and fruitful life we all desire. Therefore, I only need to discipline myself until that act turns into a habit. I don’t know about you, but I find that comforting. It makes all these big achievements seem more attainable.
Passion
Everything I said in this blog is meaningless if I don’t have the passion and will to take that extra step. I can’t cheat the process. If you think there’s a formula you can use to find success, you better know passion is part of the formula. Remember the time you felt passionate about something. You did more than everybody else. Everybody was jogging while you were sprinting. If you never felt passionate about something it only means you haven’t your passion yet.
