Naked

Only a coward tries to erase his past. A true man owns it.

I am going to be real with you now. We live in a codependent world where we try to find our own independence. And to be honest, even after finding it, you are dependent.

We, as humans, seek validation from others and base our entire existence upon what others perceive of you. This line must be up on a lot of other blogs but it is true. We need to be reminded that we are who we decide to be.

Today, I am at a point in my life where I am not sure who I am, what I want, how will I do what I have planned to do. Some may call it identity crisis, some may find it stupid for not having it figured out and some might say im stupid to even give this a thought as I have a long life to live and see it for myself. But to think about it, are we certain about having a long life ahead of us? Are we certain about it being an identity crisis? Do we need to have everything figured out by a certain age?

Why are we being so hard on ourselves? Is it because we were told to, because if you think about it, we looked up to our role models and apparently they had it all figured out at that age or made it look like they did. Or we look at our peers, and think maybe we should have it all right in the first go, because they did.

WE ARE INDIVIDUALS. WE ARE NOT SAME. But again, we know this and we forget about it.

Since I am home, like you, I have been on a journey to finally find myself. Like I’d said in my previous blog, I don’t need no mountains to know who I truly am. I lost myself in 2016/17 and have been wearing this sleeve that doesnt feel like me, you know, when you dress up according to someone else’s choice and you just don’t feel your trueself. It’s suffocating, honestly. It feels like its been made of some cheap synthetic material only giving you an itch.
I was cheated on, I was lied to, some people disappeared without saying good bye, some tried to suck the life out of me, some thought of me as a forgiving machine, some tried to tell me how I should watch my weight, some tried to tell me I was crazy to be bold and vocal. Some told me that I would never progress in life, never be able to achieve what I wanted, I was not headstrong, I was not worth it.

While these people pushed me to be their version, there were those who actually pushed me to be a better person. They helped me stay true to myself, question myself, self realise a lot of things in life. They pushed me to be the person I am, today— strong, confident, bold and unapologetic. With my constant rants, tantrums, dramas, mistakes, they accepted me for who I am and forgave me when I couldn’t. They showed faith in me, when I couldn’t and they loved me when I couldn’t. They accepted me as an INDIVIDUAL. And, in return, I accepted them as they are.

When you accept yourself or someone else for who they are, there are less fights, less ego, less miscommunications, less drama. We understand that, that is who they are and either we let them grow and take their course or be a guiding stick to a creeper. Help them grow and find themselves.
We stop seeking validation and start being who we are, truly.

I asked a couple of people who have known me before 2016/17 to understand how I used to be. It felt like I had lost memory but all I wanted to know was what was I like before I was hurt, before I was told that I wasn’t worthy.

I was confident. I was hopeful. I was chirpy like a sparrow, I was honest. I was always curvy, I will always be curvy. I was dramatic but I voiced out my thoughts. I was straightforward, and I still am. I was impulsive, followed my heart and lived a carefree life.
It’s a long process, but one day at a time, one fear at a time and Im sure each one of us will learn to accept and love ourselves, and others as individuals and not a reflection. Be naked, once. Be vulnerable and let the other person know who you truly are and you will be accepted.

Break the mirror, the world is more than just a reflection.