Pandemic and beyond
The revolutionary year of 2020
Welcome to 2020! Six months into this year we have surely understood it is nobody’s year. All our resolutions have been on a halt just like us. As humans, we tend to make great plans for years to come and completely forget about living in the present, enjoying the moment we are in. We try and capture the moment before we even enjoy it, right? We all have food pictures in our photo galleries. But this year has been quite different. It has created a lot of “new normals” and had become one epic year.
Talking about India, it started in December when CAA and NRC was resisted. I was visiting Delhi around the same time when riots took over the city. Yes, I was safe at home but it wasn’t a very pleasant feeling to be in the capital and bear such news. Irrespective of the outcome, my heart still goes out to people who were injured, not given their rights and unjustly harassed.
I still remember this one time that I was sitting in my room in Delhi, at my uncle’s place in Lajpat Nagar and the govt. decided to block internet and network. An app floated around as a rescue where people can connect without internet. As useless as it was, I felt helpless. That was the day when I realised what Kashmiris went through. What it feels to be a millennial stuck amidst riots. I messaged my friends that I was scared as fuck. The thought of not being able to contact anyone gave me chills. Only parts of Delhi faced the block that year. An ugly side of power was taking over like a giant demon. It was disheartening.
I safely travelled back to Mumbai in the third week of December to celebrate my birthday week. I was completing 26 years of my existence on this planet without having to achieve much or making much difference. No, I’m not being hard on myself, but just reminding myself that I do and i must make a difference, small or big.
But not just that, I was eagerly looking forward to spending time with my close people and celebrate 6 months of my design studio— Blckspce Studio and launching Dad’s company— Blocks And Spaces.
As we share birthdays, we could share the date again to mark our successes.
With almost nothing left to spend, my 31st night, new year’s eve was low key and the best so far. Reuniting with my girl-friends from school, after 16 odd years was the best thing that could have happened and possibly the best way to end that sucky year. 2019 was hard! (That’s what she said!). What added to that celebration was a confirmation from a long-chased client, I mean how bloody cool is that!!!
2020 was going to be my year, I thought to myself as I watched the firecrackers light up the sky and add pollution to the breathable air. And here we are, looking back at it, accomplishing on making it my year! A year of successes, growth and learning. Here’s how:
1. THE GREAT BEDREST, strikes again.
Only three days into the year, slip disc had found it’s way back. My age was definitely catching up but purely because of my hectic travel schedule in December. Run around with 23 kilos across Delhi Airport and metro, and bus ride to Kasol and back. PHEW! Anywho, the bed rest was a major turning point for me because not only did I catch up on all my lost sleep from last year, but while recovering burns and disc injury, I learned a lot about myself.
I understood that a a body can only function upto an extent. It needs rest. Yes I also know that you know but I want to show what I know. Being the workaholic that I am, dedicated to work for atleast 12–14 hours a day, I was in a position where for a week I couldn’t even move a finger— I slept that much. It felt like I was sinking into the bed and the blanket wrapped me like mother’s arms. I understood the importance of delegating work. I learned ways to communicate virtually and still getting things done. I learned how to be patient with myself and push hard to get better ASAP. When I burned myself, I was extremely insecure about my marks, though one can never see them, or notice them but I was not okay having them. It reminded me of my stupidity which cost me two more weeks of bedrest. My business was coming to standstill. With immense pressure, and really supportive friends and family, I knew I could survive another bedrest.
This time I got lazy with my physiotherapy but I made sure that I felt better and was strong enough to get going. I resumed work in February.
2. Here comes the pandemic!
It was end of Feb and begining of March when we heard about the virus spread across China and had shown its presence in a few parts of the world. But if it didn’t enter India, then it was never going to enter India, right? LOL.
I had just started growing my client list, once again. I had just resumed work. I had just gotten back into the game when the virus touched base with Mumbai. I didn’t panic thinking it’s just like Swine flu. I was not ready with anything. None of us were really ready for this stage in our lives. Who knew everything was going to come to standstill. No HR knew that physical attendance in office will be a crime. No boss knew that a sneeze could also be dangerous. No business was ready with an Plan-Apocalypse to save themselves from burning out. No shops knew that a 0 footfall will only help them stay safe. No doctor knew that they’d be putting themselves at risk, more than any other profession. Nobody knew that frontliners will be our true heroes, bigger than on-screen superstars. nobody knew that they too could be heroes by just staying home. Nobody was prepared for a WORK-FROM-HOME lifestyle.
While many companies, including Microsoft experimented with WFH life and routine, most of them still preferred in-office presence for effective communication. On a personal level, I am not very comfortable with a WFH culture only because it delays the porcess. It slows down the speed and makes room for lethargy. The idea of being at home gave me chills because it is comfortable. it is the comfort bubble that everybody likes and once it gets sucked into it, bursting it is a task.
Lockdown 1 felt like this will end soon but them came part 2 and then 3 and then 4 and now 5, thought this one is called UNLOCK 1 but it’s not very different. In the first 3 lockdowns, everyone around me were so busy signing up for webinars, online courses, blogging, podcasts, etc. that nobody really paused, assessed, and took the real advantage of becoming humans again. We were so caught up with the digital rat race that we forgot we can’t be charged like our phones.
People took up hobbies, self care was given importance for a couple of weeks, “I am doing house chores with a smile” was trending on social media and some homegrown bakers were seen in action. The aroma through my screen was teasing my tastebuds.At this point, who’d thought of washing their own dishes, cleaning the house, rearranging wardrobes, preparing their own meal (when deliveries were out of service) or not being able to shop!
I couldn’t be a part of that race. I continued working. I focused on what was needed to be done and reassessed what had to be done. For example— Very few know that I randomly out of boredom deleted my instagram account for Blckspce and created a new one. It was a good page, good work showcased but it didn’t feel right. It felt like it missed a base. A lot of us tend to do things in a rush and forget that till our core and base is not strong, out tall tower will not survive the storm. So I created a map. A plan to make blckspce who its becoming. I understood its personlity and started moulding it towards achieving the best of its personality.
But did I apply the same to my personal life? YES!
I went through a lot of introspection, a lot of acceptance and a lot of realisations. I understood what and whom I like, what and whom I don’t like. What are my true feelings towards things and people, what are my real thoughts on certain matters. When and how should I take a stand? How should I make a difference? All of these points have been answered or in the R&D stage. But this made me realise that not attending a webinar was okay. Not taking up a course was okay. Focusing and building myself was more important than just hear someone talk and hardly be able to remember anything form 45 minutes-1 hour session.
Pandemic has not been very kind to our pockets, I agree. But isn’t this the time when we should be finding alternatives to sustain ourselves.
3. #AllLivesMatter
April and May were tough. While April focused on self care and self love, May was filled with deaths and revolt. Bollywood lost four great lives and one of them couldn’t survive the pressure. I don’t blame him. The world isn’t a very great place. While this happened in India, US showed it’s true colours. The authorities have always made people of a certain color their prime targets and purely our their superior colour power, innocent lives were in danger. The whole world came together to support #alllives that mattered. Jumping back to India, because of our livelihood, nature, animals and birds are endangered. For our entertainment, we opt for horse carts on Marine drive (they’ve stopped now) or leaving fruits with firecrackers to driveaway wild boars. An incident that took place in a village in Kerala that shook the entire country. A pregnant elephant “happened to eat a pineapple” filled with firecrackers that were meant to drive away wild boars, died. This news, not only did it affect me mentally and emotionally but I knew something had to be done. Helpless during the lockdown, I felt like hugging that elephant and shutting up people who said that it’s okay or tried to justify the act.
Just when Black Lives and animals mattered, SSR, showed the world that mental health is just as important. SSR (Sushant Singh Rajput) a television actor turned into a film star, struggled through depression as per the reports. It was a normal Sunday afternoon when a friend broke this news to me and I was shaken up. I shivered, I was not ready to accept that a 34 year old, rising star would end his life. We all have accepted that stars have a sorted life, they are under pressure, they have drugs and parties to support their competitve lifestyle but we have completely forgotten that they too are humans.
A lot of questions rise in my mind when someone takes their own. What were his last thoughts? What does a person do before taking this step? Was the world really that cruel? Were all the doors and windows shut? Then I also wonder, once the person passes, we have a lot more to say than we usually do.
So, again, why don’t we say things to the person who really needs it? Why don’t we appreciate or criticise to their faces instead of regretting not saying anything?
Mental health has always been a sensitive topic and we humans have gotten it all wrong. We tend to normalise sensitive things which actually need to be addressed. Instead of normalising suicides and depression, how about we normalise period, skin colour, sexes, sex, love and more such basic, natural things. Why does one have to take their life to make a statement? It questions the integrity, it questions the human-kind, the communication skills that we preach, friendships, relationships, everything.
This brings me to the end of this post, leaving you with a thought to sleep over— What will we lose if we could just speak our hearts out?
These six months have raised a lot of questions, unrests, made us uncomfortable in our own homes and made me wonder if virtual love exists. Let’s explore?
