The 12 Steps to … Islam?

Sufi and Jedi Master Yoda

I mentioned before that I’m a member of a 12 Step program. It’s called Al-Anon and it is related to other 12 Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Gamblers Anonymous, and various others. Its focus is on helping families and friends of alcoholics and addicts. It follows the same 12 Steps as all these other programs do, but their application to our lives is somewhat gentler since there is not an emergent (for example) “I’m-going-to-die-if-I-keep-drinking” problem.

However, the fact that the danger is less imminent does not make it any less real. Alcoholism/addiction is a family illness, affecting everyone around the alcoholic in different but generally harmful ways. People usually come to Al-Anon to find support for the difficulties they are facing in living with an alcoholic, and so they refer to the alcoholics in their lives as “qualifiers” (in that the alcoholic “qualifies” him/her to be a member). However, as most members who work the program soon find, it turns out that we are always our own “qualifiers”.

The first thing to learn in the program is that alcoholism is a disease and not a moral failing. It is, in fact, characterized as such in the DSM (the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”) published by the American Psychiatric Association. It’s called “Substance Abuse Disorder”. It is progressive and often fatal with no known cure. The best a patient can hope for is stopping the progression of the disease through treatment. And, so far, the most successful treatment of this disease has been through following a 12 Step program like AA.

Understanding that the alcoholic is suffering from a disease opens the Al-Anon member up to stop blaming the alcoholic for all his/her own problems and begin recovering from the effects of the illness. As mentioned above, alcoholism is a family disease that has created a slew of chaos in the member’s life, whether in relationships, child rearing, finances, legal issues, or various other aspects. A great explanation of how the disease affects us and how we contribute to it ourselves can be found in this excellent pamphlet published by Al-Anon called “Alcoholism: A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial”: http://storage.cloversites.com/recoveryatcokesbury/documents/A%20Merry%20Go%20Round%20For%20Femaile%20Alcoholic-%20final%20%281%29.pdf. But through the program and the 12 Steps, we learn that we can focus on these issues ourselves and take responsibility for them, thereby finding a way out of the chaos.

So what does all this have to do with Islam? Well, as it turns out, this contributed heavily to my conversion. The message of the Quran (Islam’s Holy Scripture and God’s last revelation) reinforces the program and the 12 Step program finds a mirror in the Quran’s teaching. For those unfamiliar with the 12 Steps, here they are listed below:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

When I first came to Al-Anon, I was an avowed atheist, despite my strong Catholic background. Then I found out that spirituality and reliance on a higher power are essential components to making the program work. As the first step described, I knew for sure that my life had become unmanageable. But how would admitting powerlessness make that any better? If anything, shouldn’t I double-down and exert more power? The answer (spoiler alert) is “no”. I often jokingly refer to George Costanza (from Seinfeld) as the patron saint of Al-Anon, because of that episode where he figures out that, since everything he’s ever done in his life has led to poor outcomes, he needs to do exactly the opposite of whatever he would normally be inclined to do. The 12 Steps are kind of like that.

A good shorthand for the first 3 steps is: 1) I can’t; 2) He can; 3) I’m gonna let Him. And it turns out this is extremely powerful. I had to figure out what a power greater than myself would look like because I had rejected the one I was taught as a child. After a path that wound through the teachings of the ancient Stoics, the Eight Fold Path of Buddhism and orthodox Jewish spirituality, I ended up on the door of Islam. And everything clicked. The Quran even encourages us to use our reason to find the path of submission to God, which is exactly what I did. And as it turns out, the very name of the path literally means “submission”. The Arabic word “Islam” shares the same root as “Salaam”, the word for “peace”, making this the path of peaceful submission to God. What could better encompass the instruction to “turn our will and our lives over to the care of God” than this?

As I read the Quran, I found so many passages that reinforced this message and the promises of the 12 Steps:

Now surely the friends of God — they shall have no fear, nor shall they grieve. (Quran 10:62)

Verily those who say, “Our Lord is God,” and remain firm (on that Path), on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. (Quran 46:14)

Those who believe, and do deeds of righteousness, and establish regular prayers and regular charity, will have their reward with their Lord: on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. (Quran 2:277)

I won’t need to be fearful and anxious anymore over the people and situations around me? And I won’t continue to punish myself and grieve for all the things I’ve done wrong and all the people I’ve hurt? Brother, sign me up! How do I get there? The answer is in the 12 Steps and how the Quran tells us to implement them. It starts with the first 3 steps: 1) acknowledging that I am not in control of the people or events around me or in any of their outcomes; 2) that there is an all-loving, all-compassionate and all-powerful God; and 3) that I can submit wholly and completely to this God.

I have not created jinn and mankind except to serve Me. (Quran 51:56)

Verses like these are the ones that atheists and scientists like Richard Dawkins get their panties in a bundle over to point out the narcissistic and megalomaniacal properties of the Abrahamic God. But I think it’s all a question of perspective. If I believe I am a self-sufficient entity in control of everything around me, then naturally, why should I want to serve anyone else? However, if I understand how small and powerless I am despite being an amazing creation of God, and I understand how little control I have over my life and the world around me, the point of view changes. In that light, the guidance of a power greater than me that IS in control is not only welcome but necessary. God has given us the Quran and His guidance so that we can live to our full potential, to be the best humans we can be. To live a life without fear or grief.

Ok, now that I’ve submitted my will and my affairs to the care of God, how do the 12 Steps and the Quran tell us to find this life?

Indeed, God will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. (Quran 13:11)

Because God will never change the grace which He hath bestowed on a people until they change what is in their (own) souls: and verily God is He Who heareth and knoweth (all things). (Quran 8:53)

It begins with me. As the saying goes, charity (like regime change) should begin at home. Same goes for our own condition. The next few steps of the program direct us to do exactly this. Step 4 tells us to take a full inventory of everything in our lives in order to discover our shortcomings and defects of character. Step 5 has us acknowledge these by sharing them with God (who already knows them anyways) and another human being, usually a sponsor who is already helping us navigate through these steps. And then steps 6 and 7 again bring us face to face with our reliance on God, by becoming ENTIRELY ready for Him to remove ALL these defects of character, and then HUMBLY asking Him to remove them. The absoluteness of these statements is intentional, in that it is only in the COMPLETE surrender to God in this process that these defects are lifted from us.

When I did my public Shahada, i.e. my testimony of faith in front of a full congregation of Muslim brothers and sisters, I officially became a Muslim. The traditional teaching regarding this brief ceremony is that, upon pronouncing the full testimony, all my sins were forgiven, and I became like a newborn baby. My slate was wiped clean, with the opportunity to start over again from scratch and without the need to carry the burden of previous guilt and shame. In much the same fashion, steps 6 and 7 start that process for us and help us take on steps 8 and 9 to complete this clearing of the board.

For me, steps 8 and 9 were the biggest action steps of the program. I had to come face to face with all the harm and hurt I had done to those who I loved the most, and even to those I perhaps didn’t love as much but still accept having damaged. In Islamic tradition, forgiveness from those we’ve hurt is almost as important as God’s forgiveness. For example, I may steal from my brother and then feel remorse for having done so. I can certainly ask God for forgiveness, and (if I am sincere) He will undoubtedly forgive me because, as the Quran tells us, He is the Most Forgiving, the Most Compassionate. However, until I make amends directly with my brother for having stolen from him, that debt will still weigh against my soul on the Day of Judgment. So steps 8 and 9 help me figure out how my actions have hurt others and then prompt me to seek amends from them by acknowledging my actions, sincerely asking for forgiveness and resolving to not live that way anymore.

Finally, the last 3 steps help us maintain this new state, keeping the slate clean, so to speak. To practice step 10, I need to constantly be watching how I live and how I interact with those around me in order to promptly acknowledge doing wrong and correct it as soon as possible. This means having awareness of what is the right path and how to do God’s will. Step 11 is how we work on figuring this out. And this, probably more than anything else, is where Islam excels at helping us living these steps. We are required to pray, aligning our bodies towards the House of God in Mecca and performing a full body, mind and spirit exercise, five times a day, in sync with specific points of the sun in the sky. How better to maintain a “conscious contact with God” than with this specific injunction that God gives us in the Quran?

Does it end there? Certainly not. Step 12 tells us to “carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

God is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The parable of His light is, as it were, that of a niche containing a lamp; the lamp is [enclosed] in glass, the glass [shining] like a radiant star: [a lamp] lit from a blessed tree — an olive-tree that is neither of the east nor of the west the oil whereof [is so bright that it] would well-nigh give light [of itself] even though fire had not touched it: light upon light! God guides unto His light him that wills [to be guided]; and [to this end] God propounds parables unto men, since God [alone] has full knowledge of all things. (Quran 24:35)

This verse has inspired many mystical and esoteric interpretations, but for our purposes, it’s basically: “This little light of mine … I’m gonna let it shine!” The Quran constantly is reminding Muhammad (who first received the revelation) that he was not responsible for whether others accept the message or not, only for delivering it. Same with us. We are not required to make everyone follow the same path. In fact, God often explains that he made people of different races and creeds on purpose so that we could learn from each other and make ourselves better. But He does want us to deliver the message. How? By “practicing these principles in all our affairs.” To be the light that people can see and be guided by. Notice that the step doesn’t say “telling people to practice these principles in all our affairs”, it just says we need to stay on the path ourselves and lead by example. The same way that a light shines silently, without making any noise or words, right?

So the 12 Steps AND Islam show me how to live in such a way that I no longer need to fear or grieve. I may not always stick with it, as I am a work in progress, my brothers and sisters. But when I do stick with it, I do not need to fear or have anxiety over the future or over how certain situations will turn out or how my personal relationships will play out, as all these outcomes are completely in God’s hands, not mine. My only job is to figure out how to face these situations and relationships in the way God would want me to, based on His guidance from the Quran and from the constant contact I try to maintain with Him. And when I do stick with it, I no longer grieve because I do my best to make amends for the mistakes I make and I try to live in a way that leaves behind the shortcomings I’ve already asked God to take from me.

To paraphrase the (unknowing) Sufi saint and Jedi Master Yoda: Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you? Wherefore you should not, for my ally is God, and a powerful ally He is.