In nearly all facets of our lives — career, education, personal relationships — technology allows us to be more connected with one another than past generations would have even thought possible. For those of us in business, the implications are nothing short of incredible.
We can now work alongside colleagues from around the world. We can market and sell to clients who live thousands of miles away. We can even hire consultants who improve our business without ever actually meeting with them in person.
Yet for as much as technology has gifted us in the form of access to expanded networks, it has also stripped us of quite a lot in terms of how we connect, and the tools we use to detect or develop genuine trust.
This is particularly evident in relationships that rely on mostly text-based communication. Words often fail to provide a clear picture of what someone really says, and words without the benefit of a person’s tone and facial expressions are difficult to interpret correctly. Plus, words are only a fraction of communication; experts estimate that as much as 70 percent of communication comes from body language alone.
Even phone calls and video chats don’t do justice to our extreme sensitivity to non-verbal cues. A lack of eye contact while using Skype or other video call software, for instance, has been a well-known disadvantage of remote conferencing ever since its inception.
But remote jobs aren’t going anywhere, and globalization is here to stay — which in many ways is a good thing. It just means we have to find ways of bridging the gaps that result from new forms of relating. The organic benefits of face-to-face conversation, in other words, are now aspects of everyday communication that we have to cultivate consciously.
Luckily, all the skills we really need in order to accomplish this were taught to us from a young age. We just need to be mindful of putting them into use. Here are four ways to intentionally develop bonds and connect in a world that can sometimes feel disconnected:
1. Really listen
The modern workday often has us juggling what seems like a dozen tasks at once. All too often, communication just becomes another one of those tasks, as we come and go from messaging apps like Slack based on our own convenience.
Sometimes that’s okay. Other times, not focusing means missing an important detail or vital subtext. One solution is to set aside specific time blocks for undistracted communication with certain parties. When you’re on Zoom while also making a cup of tea and setting up a coffee meeting with someone on Facebook messenger, you’re not really listening. If you stop with all the other tasks and focus solely on the person with whom you’re communicating, you’re more likely to connect more deeply.
2. Ask questions
Asking questions is a tried and true way of knowing that we are listening well enough. Even when it something seems clear, confirming with a question is a chance for elaboration or clarification from the other party — and having an excess of information is almost always better than a deficit.
Good questions do more than just get answers, too; they bring us closer to the person we’re communicating with, letting them know we’re truly invested.
3. Be honest
Given that we aren’t being judged on body language and other non-verbal cues when we communicate by text, we may sometimes find it easy to be less than completely honest. It’s often those non-verbal aspects of speech, however, that indicate how we’re really feeling (tone and inflection, for example).
But when we’re not transparent, it’s usually ourselves we do damage to, whether in the form of reputation, lost trust, or just wasted time. Just because no one is directly in front of us doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be straightforward.
4. Show gratitude
We often sign off our emails with something along the lines of, “Thanks in advance,” but it’s far more rare to take the time to express genuine gratitude. If you want to connect with someone on a deeper level, though, that’s one of the quickest ways to do it.
When someone gives us their time, trust, or support, that’s something worth being thankful for. And when people see your gratitude is real (“Hey, I know you’re busy and I really appreciate you taking the time to help me with this”), they’re more likely to open up even more, or offer you further help and support.
These things aren’t hard to do — they just require conscious effort. Conscious attention. Trying to communicate in an globally-interconnected world without them, though, just makes our jobs harder and more tedious. The bottom line is that no matter how much the way we communicate changes, the fundamentals of effective communication remain the same.
