I was (and still am) one of those people who dwell on past mistakes. Let me tell you, it’s not that fun. I’m trying to move on as quickly as possible but sometimes some mistakes are harder to get past than others.
It’s amazing how many tricks your brain can play on you if you let it. If I don’t tell it to shut-it once in a while, it’ll keep yammering away.
But I’m finally learning some self-love. It’s not easy and it’s still a work in progress and it could be a life long journey but the journey and destination is worth it.
Here’s how I’m finally learning to give myself a break:
1. Breathe and Move on
What was the last thing you did that made you feel stupid, embarrassed, ashamed?
Do you have it in your head? Are you feeling the guilt, shame, anger?
Now breathe in.
And let it go.
Let it go. Move on.
There are bigger fish to fry than constantly berating yourself for whatever you did last week, last month, 10 years ago.
It’s time to move on.
2. Stop thinking about other people
Are you worried about what your partner/friend/parents think?
Well, stop it.
What you think they’ll think is stopping you from being your best self.
What you think they’ll think is preventing you from even trying, from giving yourself a shot.
I’ve come to realize that in anyone’s life, I am probably not the most important person to them. They don’t stand around thinking about me all day, and even if they do, should that really impact me and my decisions?
The person people think most about is themselves so stop wasting your time thinking about them.
Do your thing and stop thinking about what other people will think.
3. On the flip side, think about other people
Me, me, me.
That’s really all self-hatred is. Our entire focus is on ourselves. How we’ve acted, how we look, how we feel.
It’s all about us.
If we stop thinking about us and start thinking about others or how we can help people, imagine what we could do. We wouldn’t be so afraid of looking stupid or embarrassing ourselves. Our only thought and our actions would solely be for the benefit of others.
To be perfectly candid, I can’t remember the last time I did that, took myself out of the equation. It’s sad to acknowledge that but I think it’s important that I do.
If we can shift our focus to others and how we can serve them, we won’t be so concentrated on all our shortcomings and even start to realize that we’re doing some good in the world.
4. Realize that You’re A Human Being
We set such high standards for ourselves and we refuse to give ourselves any room for error.
We’re not robots.
We’re human beings and we sometimes forget that we’re allowed to make mistakes, try new feats without any chance of success, and just be ourselves.
We can often find it in ourselves to cut other people slack when mistakes are made but rarely can we ever find the strength to forgive ourselves.
I am a person with faults, strengths, insecurities, a voice.
So are you.
Don’t forget that.
5. Do What You Love
This isn’t about finding your passion or do work you love and make loads of money off of it; it’s about finding something you truly love to do and get lost in the process of doing it. Maybe it’s a hobby or a side gig or you’re truly earning a liveable income from it. Whatever it is, keep doing it. There’s nothing more peaceful than doing exactly what you’re meant to do at that moment in time.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
Self-love is hard.
Self-hatred is easy.
We are usually our own worst enemy and we have no way to fight it but the fight is usually worth it in the end.
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