Five to Victory: Bullying

5 ways to emerge victorious

Let’s face it — bullying is something everyone has come across, whether they are the victims or the bullies. It doesn’t only apply to children or teens, but it’s rampant in the workplace and in the family as well. It seems like in every social group, there are traces of bullying. So in the world today, where it has evolved into different “harmless” forms, how will we be able to fight bullying, without actually fighting?

1. Pray for him/her.

There are just some things that can’t be talked through, and in this case, no matter how hard we try to avoid the bully, that person just doesn’t quit. It’s fascinating how bullies have the energy to keep acting the way they do every single day, and when you think about it, that sort of dedication can be applied to counter him/her as well. You can exert the same level of passion in praying for the bully, that he/she will [finally] become exhausted or see that no amount of poking and shouting at you will make things different. Prayer is extremely powerful, and though you may not instantly click after a day of prayer, know that God is working real-time. He always does.

2. Confront the bully.

Even after prayer, you may at times feel strongly urged to take action, so confront the bully. Our parents and teachers tell us to do that whenever we share our situation, but when we do it, things get out of hand most of the time and eventually ends up with someone getting hurt. Why? It’s because the method of confrontation may have been wrong. Have you watched movies where a theme revolved around bullying and how confrontations end up in tears or a broken lip? Have you noticed how they start the “big talk”? The thing is, confrontation doesn’t only mean toughing up and boldly entering the lion’s den — it’s also about being calm and humble.

Humble? Why would I want to be humble to someone who’s been treating me like a rug? Well, that’s exactly the point of humility. This is where prayer comes in. You may have thought that your time talking to God and crying out to him was useless, but with enough prayer, your bully’s heart may have already become softened by the time you decide to confront him/her. Just thinking about it gets me excited. Humility is a godly response to bullying, because it downright defeats the intentions of your “basher”. He/She expects you to react with aggressive violence or lash out with hurtful words; just imagine the surprise you’ll give when you respond with calm gentleness? That may give your bully a few things to think about.

3. Keep a diary.

For people like me who work well with paper, writing is another way to get your feelings out (if you haven’t already). I remember my high school years when I was also bullied by a lot of batch-mates. It was the most painful experience I ever had, and bullying wasn’t even the worst of it. I had to go to school everyday being self-conscious the whole 8 hours in school, and every night I’d write short paragraphs onto my diary/journal just so I could get the courage to wake up the next day and face another 8 hours of scrutiny. I was a young girl trying to grow up and find her place in the world, and I get this? Even people who don’t really know me but see me in the hallways look at me like a disease to be avoided. I kept thinking to myself how wonderful it would be to get back at them in any way possible, but I couldn’t. I feared God more than I feared rejection. So, I stayed in my shell and wrote everything to God. Now, I am standing, stronger than ever.

4. Surround yourself with people who truly understand you.

I know the feeling of being alone, and when you’re being bullied, it’s important to be around friends and family who comfort you and help keep your head up. Understanding doesn’t always imply family — it may be given in the form of strangers you meet on the ride home or while sitting at a cafe waiting for your order to arrive. You see, God works in so many different ways, and it takes a sensitive, intimate relationship with him to comprehend even a little of His plans. Your parents may not understand you, but He showers you with friends to help you cope. People who relate to your situation have greater chances of giving encouragement than those who only sympathize. Remember, God is the ultimate best friend. He was bullied too! Who better to understand the feeling of being stepped on than Jesus, who was even crucified and bullied just the same?

5. Love him/her, no matter how hard it will be.

Alright, you might think this insane, right? It is, from the world’s perspective, but ever heard of the saying “Make love not war”? Cliche as it may sound, it holds the key to overcoming the bully. When Jesus was being persecuted, he didn’t fire back and point out the flaws of his oppressor. Instead, he turned the other cheek, and responded with humility. He didn’t back down — no, that’s entirely different — but he didn’t fight either.

I know, I know, I know how difficult it may be for you to digest this, thinking that with all the “how to fight bullying” articles you’ve read, nothing has gone as planned. I know that frustration all too well! But you know what? Love can carry you to a better place. This world’s definition of love is all about giving and expecting something in return, about loving someone because she deserves to be loved or is kind and thoughtful. God teaches us that His love is different, in that He gives love even to the most undesirable, foul-mouthed people. He gave us the gift of salvation, though we never will deserve it, despite the amount of good works we do in our lives. Yet He loves us.

Showing this type of love to the bully could mean a change in your life. You don’t have to give your bully your lunch money, or give him/her your day off at work just to show your care. A simple friendly gesture like saying hi when you cross paths is a start (though I’m sure he’she wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee a few times). Sometimes, all a bully needs is someone who truly cares.

Bible Verses that Address Bullying (source):

1. Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another.
2. Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
3. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times
4. Proverbs 6 16-19 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.
5. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
6. 1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
7. Luke 6:31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
8. Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
9. Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
10. Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
11. 1 John 3:23 Love one another