Should you be scared of public speaking?
There was one time when I was in grade school, our teacher asked if one of us wants to volunteer to give out a speech on any topic. I was always this curious kid that wants to try everything and did not care a single bit about getting humiliated, therefore I raised my hand without too much hesitation, the next moment I was standing at her position facing the entire class
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My heart was pumping hard and I can feel the blood rushing into my brain. I didn’t remember what I had to say that day, it probably wasn’t anything significant but here’s what I remember. As my speech went on, I soon noticed that small chatters among my classmates and some of them were laughing one after another, even my teacher beside me was mumbling something along. I took a deliberate pause to find out why, and when I pause, I made this sound “aww” as if I wanted to story to continue but it’s taking a look around. The class bursted into laughter, I couldn’t hear myself but I heard the teacher announcing to the class, “that was another aww..”
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How embarrassing that was! I felt completely humiliated and saddened by the reaction of the whole class. It turned out I had the tendency to use “aww” before starting a sentence, which was amplified during an impromptus speech and was picked up by a few classmates, then it soon spread among the entire classroom and everybody was just listening to count how many “aww” I had made that day
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To my surprise, even to this day, I did not stop my speech that day, I just went on to finish my sentences for another minute or so. I still made several other “aww” in front of the class as I watched them laugh harder and harder. I remember by the time I finished my speech someone said in the audience, “he made 16 aww!”
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I never share this story, it was not something I want to remember, but now I think of it, ever since then I had an innate fear of public speaking, although I had done many after that and made a few successful delivery, I was really careful about not making “aww” during pauses. Until I watched Barack Obama speak, and I burst into laughter, “this guy is making so many aww pauses, and he made the president!” How foolish I was to be burdened by the ignorance and bully of others and let myself be shaped by fear and shame. And how fortunate I am to be consulted and encouraged by my parents on that day to pick up a tiny piece of confidence to continue to be naive and curious
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I didn’t mean to draw attention and sympathy towards me by telling this story. I simply hope that everyone can take a moment to look back to our upbringing, to find a moment like this, to look inside, to find that kid that since has been caged and left untouched. To tell the little one that it’s ok, you didn’t do wrong, you are allowed to make mistake, we love you and we need you
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Choose love, and don’t let fear turns you against your playful heart.
