Honest Intern Interviews
“Hey, would you like to solve this incredibly mathematical question so we can see if you’re not an idiot?”
“Sure!”
“All right, it seems as though you’re not an idiot. We’re going to schedule you for a 1 hour long technical interview. Can you send me your schedule for the next 2 months and convert it in PST because I don’t like to do any work?”
“Sure!”
“All right, we’ve scheduled your interview with a team that you didn’t ask to be on. Does Tuesday at 2pm PST work for you?”
“Sure!”
“So, can you tell me about your entire background?”
“Sure!”
“Great, it seems like you’re really good at writing software. But that’s not what we’re going to be testing here. Are you good at manipulating and reasoning about binary trees?”
“Sure!”
“Great! The recruiter will be getting back to you shortly.”
“Sure!”
“I just got the feedback. I’m not going to tell you about anything you should improve on but we’re going to schedule another technical interview. Could you again send me your entire schedule for the next 2 months?”
“Sure!”
“I honestly really dislike interviewing but I have to do it because of my job. Do you mind if I put you on mute for about 15 minutes as you ramble on about creating an algorithm that will never be useful in the real world?”
“Sure!”
“Great! The recruiter will be getting back to you shortly.”
“Sure!”
“It seems as though the second interview went extremely well. Even if you’re just going to work here for about 3 months and it wouldn’t really matter if we set the bar a bit lower, we’d like to fly you out for an on-site interview to flex our muscles and show you how many beers we have on tap.”
“Sure!”
“Here’s all the different game rooms and ping pong table nobody uses. Here’s our dog chef, Gertam, we got after our Series GG round. He cooks all the food for his fellow dogs. Would you consider getting a dog if we requested it?”
“Sure!”
“Would you be interested in doing 7 hours of interviews that finally start talking about system design questions and other actually important things?”
“Sure!”
“Great, well we didn’t really see a good fit. You’re not really smiling 24/7 and aren’t the quirky kind we’re looking for. You’re not invested in the product and don’t use it every single waking moment of the day. But please apply next year because your personality and behavior are definitely going to change by then. Thanks so much.”
“Sure!”
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