How to Motivate YOUR Child …without Stressing Them Out !!

Why’s it so hard to motivate kids? As parents, we often have a belief that our children won’t care unless we twist their arm. BUT, the simple truth is that your attempts to motivate your child are probably working against you.
As parents, we often feel responsible for our child’s outcome in life, but understand that this is never the case — ultimately, your child is responsible for his own choices. We’re taught that we need to somehow control our kids & motivate them to want certain things in life, but motivation comes from within… so what can you ACTUALLY DO?
1. Don’t let your stress drive them.
You’ll only motivate them to either…
Resist you… or
Comply obediently, just to pacify you (so that you leave them alone).
Neither of which will work because it saps enthusiasm and will just create a power struggle.
2. Stop trying to motivate !
Instead, work towards inspiring your child. Be an inspiring person. My kids listen to what I do — NOT what I say !!… honest. Show them the way.
3. Let your child make their own choices — and dig their own holes !
When it’s a good choice, they get to benefit. When it’s a bad choice, hold them accountable by letting them face the consequences that come with it. If you penalise them — tell them what they have to do to retrieve the situation. They’ll either drive themselves or not, but at least it’s all their choice.
Motivation may take time to develop… it’s like bread — it has to ‘rise’.
When my eldest boy has previously been on school ‘report’, I try not to get too involved because I know nobody who actually likes detention or having their freedom restricted & it’s not me having to tell them — it’s the school.
My eldest boy is currently wrestling with paying me back or else he gets grounded and loses his phone. He’s been warned, I don’t even get angry… I just tell him what the consequences are !!
4. Ask Questions
What motivates my child?
What do they really want?
What questions can I ask that will help them discover and explore their interests?
What are their goals and ambitions?
Step far enough away to see your child as a separate person. Then observe what you see. Talk to them & find out all about them and how they feel. Listen to what your child is saying. Just listen & respect their answers, no matter what your point of view.
5. Take a path…
Path number one is for the parent who wants to get their kids motivated and do the right thing in life: Get up, go to school, get their work done, be successful.
Path number two is for parents who want their kids to be self-motivated to do all of those same things for themselves. They want to influence their child to work toward the things they’re interested in. To not only do the right thing but to get them to want to do the right thing.
Both paths are similar but profoundly different.
Which path would you take?
If it’s path number one, then you can look forward to pushing, punishing, begging, nagging, bribing and cajoling.
If it’s path number two, then you’ll reach that goal by asking different kinds of questions. You’ll be an investigator & a facilitator, exploring and uncovering, helping your child discover their own motivations and the things that are holding them back.
6. It’s not your fault
Remember, your child’s lack of motivation is not your fault, so don’t make it so. Sometimes we’re so close, that we just can’t separate us from them. SO… stay out of their way enough so they can figure out who they are, what they think and who they wanna’ be.
As a fellow parent… don’t beat yourself up & ‘well done’