I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends (And My Counselor)

I recently made a decision that was spur-of-the-moment — but that also had been a long time coming.

This past week, I decided that I want to start seeing a counselor.

Let those words sink in for a moment.

Maybe my statement shocked you. Or concerned you. Or confused you as to why I’m being so open about this.

Regardless of your reaction, the unfortunate truth is that the issue of mental health has an extremely negative stigma and, often times, is considered taboo to even bring up in passing — let alone have a candid discussion about.

So that is exactly why I’m speaking up right now. I saw a counselor at our university’s health center one time my freshman year. And although it was a long time ago, I still vividly remember the feeling I had when I first set foot in the counseling office. And it was not a good one. In stark contrast to the main lobby of the health center, where you might wave or smile if you saw a friend waiting for a doctor, people seemed to avoid eye contact. No one wanted to be associated with anyone else who was there. It was sinisterly quiet. That taboo, that stigma, that embarrassment we feel when the conversation turns to mental health — all were nearly palpable in the air that day.

And it shouldn’t be like that. We shouldn’t have to fear what our friends, or our families, or our peers would think if they knew that we go to see a counselor. And we shouldn’t have to feel that there needs to be a specific reason to seek help necessarily — sometimes it’s just good to have someone to talk to. I am the happiest that I’ve ever been in my life, and my friends and family are the best support system that I could ever ask for. They’ve probably earned their honorary degrees in counseling by now, based on how much I confide in them about what’s going on in my mind. But there are still some little things that I’m trying to work through, and I think a professional will be able to give me an answer to my questions. And there’s no shame in that.

This isn’t to say that we need to start broadcasting any mental illnesses or disorders that we may be suffering from. And this piece is not my attempt at doing so, or otherwise gaining attention. Many people are extremely private about their mental health, and that is completely okay. But I would much rather that they’re being private because they’re choosing to do so — not because they feel forced to do so as a result of pressure from our society.

This piece is just a way to open up and hopefully inspire others to open up, if they feel comfortable doing so. We are amazingly complex human beings, and this life is amazingly complex as well — which also means that it can be difficult, and overwhelming. So why make it more difficult by keeping quiet about the things that affect us and hurt us?

It doesn’t take much as a friend or loved one — all you need to do is lend an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold. Make sure that the people in your life know that they can confide in you, or that you can help them confide in someone else. Don’t use mental disorders as adjectives — the weather is “erratic”, not “bipolar.” And respect their decision if they choose not to talk about their mental health.

Above all, just be there for each other. Life can be hard, but you don’t have to go it alone.