Imposter Syndrome Just Hit Me Like a Truck!

I began my day today like most days, by reading through the feedback from our alpha testing group. I discussed it with my business partner Tristan, and then formulated a plan of action and engaged with those providing the feedback. We’re very focused on making something that people want to use, get benefit from using, and that we can feel proud to put our names to. So engaging with our community and providing them with value on a consistent basis, is extremely important to us. After I had actioned the feedback I moved on to our bookkeeping, and reconciling our expenses against our bank account which lead me to look at our profit and loss report for last month. For those unfamiliar with our startup The Crucial Team, we’ve been running in a full-time capacity as a company for approximately three months. We’re six to eight weeks from a public release of our first piece of personal development software, which means we’re pre-revenue, so our profit is zero and our losses are everything right now.

I ran the numbers based on an average month for us, and then projected how long our remaining runway would be. I worked backwards from that, and recognised that we will need to be building revenue in two to three months. It was at that moment that I got a taste of fear, because once you’ve worked for yourself you don’t ever want to work for someone else again. After leaving a relatively comfortable job to chase my dream, I have spent almost every day since then learning new skills and improving on existing ones. I know now that I have more to offer that to be stuck in one role with a ceiling, and someone to report to each day that probably won’t share my passion for change and development. Yet despite all that, I was suddenly questioning whether I am good enough to pull this off. Am I good enough to build the community around us, to ensure we have a successful product? Am I engaging and creative enough to grab the attention of people, so that they will be interested in what we’re building and feel immediately connected to it?

All of this, and other self doubting questions, raced through my head. As fast as I tried to answer one another would rear its head up and challenge me again. I was struck by something that I had questioned the existence of in the past. I was having a moment of imposter syndrome. I was driving myself to an anxiety attack by questioning my abilities, knowledge and passion, and whether I have enough to make us a success. I took a moment and explained my financial findings to Tristan, who was quick to remind me that months ago I had estimated our monthly spend, and that was now almost exactly what we were spending. Immediately, without knowing it, he had put one of my doubts to rest. He continued by reassuring me that we know how we want to monetise our first piece of software (Crucendo), and it was just a matter of us going out and doing it. While it will almost certainly be harder than that, he made a good point again in that we know what we have to do.

As I write this final paragraph the feelings of imposter syndrome have all but passed, I think it’s healthy to hold on to a small amount, it helps to keep me holding myself accountable and always considering other ideas. If I think for two seconds that I have all the answers and I know it all, that is also the moment that I fail to be a great leader, because a great leader will always look for the best option and not just his/her own ideas. I know I’m a good leader, I hope that I’ll be a great leader, but that’s for others to decide not me. In closing I will say that I’m proud of what Tristan and I are trying to achieve with Crucendo, and I’m proud of what Tristan and I have already accomplished as The Crucial Team.

If you’re interested in joining us for beta testing when it begins on the 29th of August 2016, head to www.thecrucialteam.com and register. By joining us for beta testing and meeting our terms and conditions, you could win a $500 Flight Centre voucher. Think of all the exciting places you could go! As always, if you have any questions feel welcome to drop them in the comments or email me directly at brett@thecrucialteam.com