Paying for College: How To “Get Rich, Quick” According to the Movies…
As parents, we always strive to give our children a lifestyle that we never had, or perhaps one with at least more opportunities that weren’t necessarily available to us when we were growing up. One of the pivotal moments that can redefine our children’s future is that of college acceptance.
Will Ferrell’s new box office release, The House, certainly personifies that emotional roller coaster that comes with juggling the balance between our children’s happiness, their fortuitous opportunities, and ultimately, how the hell we’re going to pay for it all.
In the film, Scott and Kate Johansen (Will Ferrell/Amy Poehler) are certainly caught between the proverbial rock, their daughter’s attendance to her dream college, and a hard place, the fact that they can’t afford it. Like any parent who wants the best for their child, they decide that sacrificing their own livelihood for the benefit of their daughter (Ryan Simpkins) is a top priority.
We know the film depicts Ferrel and Poehler as caring, and sometimes naive, parents who decide the best way to pay for her school is to open an illegal casino within their own house. But, if the cinema industry has taught us anything over the years, it’s that there are a plethora of ways to make money quickly, while also putting aside one’s moral compass to do so.
And, while these ideas may not be legitimately plausible to the average money-stressing parent, they still can offer a good laugh that can distract us from those parenthesis we see around the numbers in our bank account.
1. STEAL FROM A THIEVING MILLIONAIRE
Blank Check (1994)
A young Preston Waters (Brian Bonsall) finds himself in a unique circumstance. After having been hit by millionaire-thief simply referred to as Quigley (Miguel Ferrer), Preston is given a blank check by the hurried criminal who, for whatever reason, trusts that the 11-year-old will give it to his father who “will know what to do with it.”
While the circumstances behind this film are incredibly outrageous, and recreating them in real life would be even more so, this film still gave thousands of children hoping for a wealthy future a glimmer of hope that they could achieve millionaire status without actually having to work for it.
If you somehow find yourself in the same circumstance as young Preston, just remember that you need the money for your child’s college and not some frivolous shopping spree.
2. ROB A CASINO
Ocean’s 11 (2001)
There have been numerous casino robbery schemes depicted in seemingly countless films, but none are remotely as detail oriented as Ocean’s 11. And, if you’re crazy enough to try and pull it off, this film demonstrates the incredible details involved with successfully completing such a heist.
Aside from the incredibly convoluted process of actually advancing into a casino’s vault, and leaving in a vehicle other than an FBI van, you’ll need a team that jibes like no other. Communication is key to any successful team, and perhaps what made Danny Ocean’s team so special, is sometimes they didn’t need to talk at all.
Besides an incredible team that are all on your side regardless of consequence, you’ll need countless tools, vehicles, costumes, intelligence recon, etc. And, if you don’t just have those things lying around in your garage, you’re better off investigating some other way to make your quick cash.
3. ROB A BANK
Inside Man (2006)
If robbing a casino doesn’t seem to fit your forte, and hosting your own in-house gambling facility like The House doesn’t either, then there’s also the classic “rob a bank” option. While there are many bank robbery scenes portrayed throughout cinematic history, none are as convoluted and clever as that demonstrated in Inside Man.
Okay, the above seems to fit the stereotypical bank robbery method of “don’t move” and “give me all of the money.” What you don’t see is the detailed plan where Dalton Russell (Clive Owen) plans to live within the walls of the bank for a period of time after the heist, walking out of the front doors weeks later with countless diamonds and no leads by the authorities.
But, unless your children know you plan to be gone for weeks on end throughout the turmoil of a local bank robbery unfolding on the news, and with you nowhere to be found, you may be better off with some other method. Not to mention you’ll need at least 10 friends to help you pull it off, which you know you don’t have…
4. FORGE CHECKS
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
The release of Catch Me If You Can shed light on how Frank Abignale Jr. was able to successfully swindle millions of dollars from various outlets. While he took on eight different personas, from an airline pilot, to an attorney, and even a doctor, his check fraud scheme involving printing his own income checks has led him to a life away from crime as a check fraud consultant for the FBI.
The truth behind this cinematic portrayal of Abagnale’s story gives legitimacy to one’s capability of actually pulling it off. However, with the incredible advances in technology after Abagnale’s influence on the Federal Government’s understanding of check fraud, you may have to rely on your charm and wit to seduce the bank teller.
And of course, if all else fails…
5. FIND TREASURE
Fools Gold (2008)
Let’s be honest, you probably have a greater chance of finding buried treasure than you do of successfully completing any of the above ideas. In Fools Gold, those chances are drastically increased by Ben Finnegan (Matthew McConaughey) doing his due diligence to pin-point exactly where the Queen’s Dowry treasure is hidden. His chances are also increased by billionaire Nigel Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland) letting them use his multi-million dollar yacht to navigate the waters.
Let’s be honest, if you have a billionaire friend willing to let you borrow his/her expensive vessel, they’d probably let you borrow the money for your child’s school. But, perhaps embarking on an adventure like this is just what you and your spouse need, as at this point, your marriage is probably in shambles when they find out how much the tuition actually is.
Of course, I guess, there’s always financial aid…
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