Please wait
Waiting. Who else hates it? Stupid question, everyone does. At the moment it seems like I spend most of my time doing it.
Waiting to find out if I’ve been accepted on my Master’s course, waiting to find out if I’ve got the job(s) I applied for, waiting for ginger hair to come back into style. Okay, that last one might be a long shot, but I’m still waiting for it to make a glorious comeback. It’ll happen.
Since I graduated last month everything has been like a giant question mark hanging over my head. Just because I’ve decided what I want to do and be involved with next year, does not mean to say that it will happen. If I don’t get onto this course, I’m right back to square one, and that scares me a bit.
The longer I have to wait to be told what I can do next year, the more my mind runs away with itself and jumps to bad conclusions. Wish it wouldn’t, but sometimes it’s out of my control.
I don’t know about you, but I’m the kind of person that likes to have things organised yesterday. I’m fully aware that this isn’t necessarily the best way to be, but it is what it is. I’ve accepted it and moved on. The decision the return to university in September and study for another year was a big one for me, but as soon as I reached that conclusion I wanted to get it all sorted as quickly as possible. It doesn’t work that way it seems. First they have to accept my initial application, which could take weeks, then I have to get through an interview as well. The jobs that I’m applying for either take forever to get back to me, or just never do. All these things take time, and lots of it apparently.
The way my brain works is to prepare for the worst outcome, then you won’t be too disappointed. So, my mind has been coming to terms with the very real possibility that I will not be given a place on the Master’s course, and that I haven’t been successful in any of the jobs I’ve gone for. Realistically, could totally happen. I’m not perfect and don’t always come out on top. Hard to believe, I know.
If it does go that way then I’ll go right back to how things were before; looking for full-time work and planning to move out. I’ll pretend that the last month simply didn’t happen, just you watch.*
But, just for a second, I want to assume that things will go to plan, because well, why not? One good thing did come from today, I may actually be moving out soon. One of my friends and I are both coming back to study and we want to try and get a house together. To so many people that probably sounds like a mediocre, every day thing, but for me it’s pretty damn exciting. I’ve always felt that maybe I missed out on certain aspects of ‘student life’ due to living at home, so now I get to cram four years worth of student-y fun into one. Bring it. And, you know, do the work too I guess.
There will be downsides of course. My friends will realise how I live more like an eighty-one year old than a twenty-one year old; showering at the same time every day, giving myself a bedtime and the like. Oh well, take me as I am, I say. They do say living together can make or break a friendship, let’s put that to the test, shall we?
*I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I wrote this post yesterday, and today found out that I have been accepted for the Master’s and one of the jobs I wanted. My pessimistic optimism paid off. Officially started the ball rolling for moving out as well. What a day.
Exciting stuff. Looking forward to a new chapter, and hopefully a new house.
