Quote of the Day: You Miss 100% of the Chances You Don’t Take.
I recently met a guy through one of my friends. We hit it off right away, thanks to alcohol and some questionable morals on my part (and his too, I think).
I liked him, in a different way than usual, I thought… which seems pretty stupid now considering that the time we spent together was spent doing all the stupid shit I would do in college (drinking, going out, sex, repeat). But hey, this time we’re older, both out of college. It seemed like more than just the convenient hook-up I’ve cornered myself into time after time for four years. He seemed super mature and had it together, and our best friends were already dating each other. For once, something long term and potentially healthy and good for me didn’t seem too far away.
We kept seeing each other, but only in group settings (double dates, parties) and never one on one despite the dozens of times he promised, I hinted, and we both made stupid googly eyes at each other while sipping our fifth round of Vodka Crans. But no date ever happened. I never got to get to know him without the help of alcohol, and I didn’t really get to show him there’s more than just the life of the party side of me.
Looking back, I should have probably taken it a little slower in the bedroom, but I fell into my habits (which I don’t think are all that bad by the way). My love language is physical touch, and after years of only having the emotional capacity to be friends with benefits with fraternity boys, it’s one of the only ways I know how to show someone that I am into them, which is sad.
Long story short: we fizzled. Hard.
Dried out like the bottom of your feet after a day at the beach.
Probably dryer than that.
In the span of two weeks since we last saw each other, we’ve spoken once, and it was the most painful, forced and sad texting conversation I ever had. It felt like it happened because he knew he had to text me in order to not be labeled a jerk. See, I just thought we were past all that. Past pity conversations, boring conversations over text, and having him tell his best friend to tell my best friend to tell me what he actually thought about me. But apparently we aren’t.
I knew it was time to give up on this one. Here I thought we were out of college, but some people are still in the middle of it.
Today, I decided to do something different.
I did something I never do: I asked him to get coffee or ice cream or something with me. One last chance. Me trying something new and attempting to show him that I care, in a different way than I have been, so maybe he’ll get that I’m interested in something more than convenience. I know this sounds ridiculous but this is huge for me. Although I had heart palpitations and my friends were ready to kill me for being so extra about sending a stupid text, I was still really proud of myself. I made a move.
This was at 1:05pm. It is now 10:35pm and nothing. Nada.
I can’t help but laugh. Like am I being ghosted? Are we for real here? I guess he did just see me as a convenient friend with benefits. Out of college or not, the signals were still there, and that’s what he saw.
To be honest, I’m pretty shook. But the one thing that has helped me is knowing that I took a risk today. I did something new.
I guess I learned two things:
- If I want a different outcome, the change starts with me.
- You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take.
^^^I slowly repeat to myself to avoid crawling under a rock until 2019.
Oh well.
