Surviving Mean Professors and Negative Criticism
Every student will face an episode of harsh criticism at least once in their college life. These events are unforgettable and they can leave lasting scars of insecurity.
Despite how hard it is to avoid that initial gut reaction of embarrassment, it’s possible to shorten the pain and learn something from it.
You cope by learning to tell the difference between what’s helpful and what’s unnecessary. Because we tend to be get emotional when listening to criticism, noticing what you should really focus on becomes difficult. If you keep an eye out for the following warning signs, you will see where the faults in logic and the baseless assumptions are.
The Benevolent Teacher
The biggest giveaway of a turbulent feedback session is when a professor starts adding unnecessary commentary. A common trademark of this are the excessively long preambles before the actual feedback. Teachers often use this time to emphasize how their intentions are benevolent.
The problem is that even if their intentions are genuine, the long-winded preamble just makes the mistake feel bigger than it really is.
When you encounter this, try to quiet down the sense of anticipation and dread. Instead, see it for what it is: your teacher thinks this is the best way to approach criticism. Dial down those emotional responses and instead focus on the actual points that you need to work on, not the preamble.
Apples and Oranges
Another red flag of problematic commentary is comparing apples to oranges. This happens when your work, or worst yet, yourself as an individual, is compared to some arbitrary standard.
Sometimes it’ll be your professor’s own generation, other times it’ll be comparing your work to that of others. The problem is that it’s often an unfair comparison. If you subscribe yourself to the idea that we all have equal chances and experiences, then this logic makes sense. For better or worse, reality is more complex than that.
Clear standards for right and wrong are rare, especially for subject matters that are more qualitative than quantitative in nature.
If you internalize this, you’ll be able to ignore the unhelpful comparisons and get past them. Most importantly, comparisons such as these are distractions from what actually matters, which is to focus on the mistake you need to learn from. Feeling shame is not going to solve anything, so try your best to brush this aside.
Watch Out for Passive Aggressive Criticism
These are a lot more subtle and insidious, but can be just as damaging. In fact, they can be worse because they sound so convincing.
Basically, while not openly criticizing, these professors use a low-key approach to how they give feedback. This is not a bad thing in itself. It might be their way of adjusting after being called out for giving criticism too harshly. The problem is the message hidden beneath excessive politeness: exasperation. If you’re a person that can quickly pick up on subtle facial expressions and tone, you’ll notice this. Instead, like the cases above, accept this for what it is and focus on what actually matters.
Don’t worry about what your teacher might think about you, worry more about how you can fix something and learn from it.
When Subtlety Runs Out
At this point, all bets are off. It’s another example of inappropriate commentary that is both obvious and hurtful. Questions such as “Have you ever written a college paper before?” don’t serve any real purpose in teaching the student to recognize mistakes nor how to fix them. Also, yes, I’ve actually heard this one said to multiple students.
It’s hard to imagine how most people would react positively to such a remark, unless you really responds to a tough love approach.
In addition, look out for condescending backhanded compliments. For example, “I know you’re a very smart person, but…” When confronting this sort of feedback, give yourself space to feel anger and sadness after it’s over, it’s warranted.
So now you know what to look out for, but how do you make the most of what seems like a trainwreck?
Focus on What Matters
Coping with these situations can be surprisingly straightforward, although hard to do when emotional.
You must pay attention to what’s objectively valuable and discard the rest.
After a feedback session, give yourself some space and let yourself feel what you want to feel. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or disappointment. That being said, keep track of how much time you let your emotions flow, you shouldn’t overdo it either. After a few minutes of letting those feelings past, think back on the good points made by your teacher.
If you take away all the nasty and unnecessary comments, what are the mistakes you made? What can you improve?
If you focus on these questions, the excessive commentary starts to matter less and less, especially when you impress them afterwards by not repeating the same mistakes.
Talk to Your Peers
Potentially the most damaging idea when receiving harsh criticism is feeling that you’re the only one.
This is false and it’s actually easy to prove: talk to your peers. If you have a chat with your classmates, you’ll quickly realize that you’re not the only one. This takes away the sense that it’s something personal. Again, focus on what you deem valuable, in the end that’s what you take with you.
Becoming Your Own Teacher
Although you can’t prevent getting hurt during your time in university, you can at least turn those scars into life lessons. During my five years in graduate school, I went through many of these tough experiences, and although damaging in some ways, I learned a lot from them. Experiences such as these taught me a lot about the kind of person I want to be. It influenced my worldview when I realized how arbitrary examinations and standards really are. When you accept this, you start to focus more on what matters to you, you get to decide what the standard is and what is worth fixating on.
You become your own teacher, and that’s one of the most valuable skills you can ever learn.
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