Taking The Plunge: Embracing vulnerability one leap at a time
This past May, my girlfriend, her best friend, and I took a trip to South Africa. We traveled with an organization called LeadAbroad, which focuses on combining service, leadership education, sightseeing, and adventure to create a life-changing experience for its students. I jumped out of a plane (pictured below), walked hand-in-trunk with elephants, and visited the amazing families of Sir Lowry’s Pass, a small community outside of Cape Town. But most importantly, I learned a ton about myself.
Prior to our daily adventures, our program directors would inspire us with presentations and talking points around the topic of leadership. Having participated in quite a few leadership seminars prior to the trip, I went in somewhat skeptical. I believe leadership is one of the most difficult areas to teach to, and there is no promise that learning about leadership will make you a good leader. Nonetheless, I made a conscious effort to approach these sessions with an open mind.
Fortunately, by the end of day 1 in Cape Town, I was absolutely blown away. And I wish I could consolidate everything I learned into one blog post, but I’d probably have to turn it into a book. Instead, I want to focus on one concept that not only became my trip mantra, but also my life mantra.
Above all else, our group was presented with three overarching goals to focus on throughout the trip and beyond: Dive In, Commit to Connect, and No Regrets. Each of these areas is definitely worth fleshing out, but I want to talk about ‘diving in’.
Before considering context, or my views on diving in, take a second to process your interpretation of this phrase. What do you visualize? How does it make you feel? Do you think it applies to your life?
In my first encounter with the ‘dive in’ approach, the first mental image I experienced was plunging into a pool (creative, right?). And although I love a good cannonball, I don’t think my pool-jumping skillz are the operative element in this context… but it may be a little closer than you think.
In the spirit of summer, imagine you are jumping into a pool. You step to the ledge, leave your feet, and plunge towards the surface of the water, eventually passing through it until all of you is submerged and surrounded by water. As the velocity you gained from your leap brings you closer to the bottom, more and more water piles on top of you, perhaps to the point where you feel the pressure weighing you down and filling you. And as time passes, staying submerged becomes more and more difficult, as you are losing the oxygen and stamina to remain immersed. Eventually, you will need to come up for air in order to dive again.
As much as I’m currently fantasizing about being by the pool, this abstracted image has far broader implications. I believe that each one of the steps I outlined above can be tied to a healthy approach to living a fuller life. Let’s start at the ledge.
Standing on the ledge of a pool doesn’t sound all that terrifying, so for symbolism’s sake, picture a 50-foot cliff. Your mind is racing and bringing you to its darkest places. Adrenaline is palpably coursing through your veins, head to toe. You might be questioning the risk you are taking and even consider backing out. Now, think about your first job interview, telling your significant other you love them, or even publishing your first blog post. What emotions come to mind? Probably not too dissimilar from the ledge of the cliff.
Although the fears associated with each of these activities are likely derived from different sources, I believe they all stem from the same overarching human fear: being vulnerable. Vulnerability has an element of nakedness that seems to scare a lot of people, if not all people, in at least one moment of their lives. For some, the strength of the emotions and intensity of the risk is enough to scare them away. And who can blame them? Being vulnerable is fucking overwhelming. Unfortunately, while running away from an imposing risk may temporarily ease the tension, you’re still probably wondering what the water felt like at the bottom (and will probably continue wondering for some time). For those daring enough to take the leap, congratulations! The dive itself, in my opinion, is the hardest part, but the extent of the journey is far from over.
After a rapid plunge towards the surface, your body meets the water for the first time and gets immediately swallowed, venturing increasingly deeper into the space. The deeper you descend, the more the space becomes a part of you, inundating you with its mass.
Just as the water completely surrounds you upon entry, so does the act of becoming a part of something greater than yourself. To recycle a previous example, saying “I love you” is a great example of this type of vulnerability. First and foremost, I think ‘love’ has become a term far overused and manipulated (another blog post for another day…), but when it is used sincerely, and with the power it deserves, it can change life’s course dramatically. It has certainly changed mine. This was my leap:
About a year-and-a-half ago, my now long-time girlfriend and I sat across from each other in our University of Michigan dorm basement late at night with nobody around. We had only been dating a little over a month and I had already fallen in love by the end of week one, but the last thing I wanted to do was scare her away. It was my first serious relationship, so I had no idea what I was doing. Was it too early? How will she react? Will she say it back, or will it be like one of those super awkward movie scenes where she responds with “thank you” or “wow”? I was scared shitless. Then she said something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. After a few minutes of me tripping over my sentences and sweating through my shirt trying to get those three words out, she smiled and told me “this is just a risk you’re going to have to take.” As soon as she said that, the fear I was experiencing in that moment left my body and the voice of doubt in my head went silent. At that moment, I knew I was jumping off the ledge. I was letting myself be vulnerable. I was ready to immerse myself in the beautiful chaos known as falling in love and to let that love fill me entirely. Thankfully, she jumped in right after me.
Finally, any dive requires an element of ‘coming up for air’. To me, this doesn’t mean leaving the ‘water’ entirely, but instead the necessity to maintain balance. Whether you are diving into your work, your studies, your relationships, or any other focus in life, coming up for air represents your ‘you time’. As exhilarating as a dive can be, it is important to hold onto yourself in the process. If you spend all your time being a part of something else, you might start forgetting about what it means to be you. So as much as I want to encourage everyone to dive deep and take risks, remembering to come up for air is just as important. Everyday ‘secrets to happiness’ such as work-life balance and time management are built on the necessity to live at the intersection of your true self and the things you are a part of. Allow yourself to take those breaths and truly appreciate them. Next to knowing how to dive in, being comfortable with alone time and self-reflection is an invaluable part of life satisfaction. (To read more about the power of alone time, take a look at my wise friend Arthur Shi’s article, Lessons Learned from Being Alone).
There are a few key takeaways from this metaphor. Firstly, diving in is hard. It is hard to get started, it is hard to keep going, and it is hard to find balance. A full-fledged commitment to an immersive dive requires sacrifice and risk, but, in turn, bravery and grit. This brings us to the second takeaway; diving into something you’re passionate about is rewarding. The happiest, most successful people I know pride themselves on the fact that their work ‘doesn’t feel like work’ to them. At one point in each of their careers, these individuals took their dives (with plenty of failed attempts along the way). They recognized that there is only one life to take their chances and pursue their passions; there is no point in being too afraid.
Lastly, diving in applies to everyone. Over the course of any life, there will be opportunities for dives, big and small. Some of them may be relevant to today or the next seven days, while others may reverberate across an entire lifetime. When offered those chances, I think you should take them. Fuck it, right? To create meaning in life for ourselves and others, we have to take those dives and venture into the unknown. If you stay in your comfort zone, you will not grow. Years ago, all-time hockey great Wayne Gretzky famously joked “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take”, and he’s absolutely spot on. So take your shots, embrace vulnerability, and keep diving with confidence. We can all do it. Just take it one leap at a time.
