The ABCs For Terribly Spoiled Children

A is for abroad, where you’ll study someday.

B is for banking, a game daddy plays.

C is for college, which is already paid for.

D is for doorman and his fast elevator.

E is for easy, how your life will be.

F is for freedom, it’s bought with money.

G is for gap year, go find yourself.

H is for handicap, you just have one for golf.

I is for inheritance, which will take you quite far.

J is for jealous, what you’ll assume most people are.

K is for karat, how we measure our gold.

L is for land, which we buy and we hold.

M is for monopoly, the game we always win.

N is for nepotism, which is how you get in.

O is for objectify, which explains mom’s new nose.

P is for peasants; don’t get too close.

Q is for qualified, please see letter N.

R is for responsible, call the lawyers again.

S is for summer, which is a verb.

T is for tourists: they annoy and perturb.

U is for unfairness, which makes you unforgettable.

V is for violence, which is probably inevitable.

W is for winter, when we go Alpine skiing.

X is for your signature, after a long night of drinking.

Y is for youthful indiscretions, they’re things old men do.

Z is for zombies, they remind me of you.