What Made You Give Up Your Dreams?

I always probed my parents and sister with endless questions growing up. My teachers would get annoyed at me and my friends would grow tired of my incessant questioning. I was curious of how the world worked and why we did the things we did. I was also a little slow in understanding what was going on in movies, books or games because my attention would go everywhere.

I was that annoying kid asking questions during the movie. I was that annoying kid not knowing the rules of the game and needing constant explanations.

As I became more self-aware, I realized that people did not like to be questioned. People did not like to think harder than they had to. They took what came, did what they were told, and never asked questions about the state of things.

Before I knew it, I slowly relinquished my childish curiosity and joined the crowd. I stopped questioning life itself and simply allowed it to happen to me.

I sometimes imagine myself 20 years from now. I imagine having to take care of a child. The child would be as annoyingly inquisitive as I am.

One thing that keeps me writing and chasing my dream of becoming a writer is to answer my child’s inevitable question — “What was your dream growing up?”

Before my junior year in college, I had no idea what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. I thought life was just a process that everyone followed.

You finish all your years of schooling, get a job doing something you can tolerate and earn some money so that you can have a little fun before you get married, and then you spend the rest of your life paying off a house and cars and taking care of your kids until you die.

Life seemed bleak because it was predictable. I didn’t have a dream and never set goals for myself. I never realized that I was the person in charge of my life, and that I had a say in what I would do for the rest of my life.

I always knew I wanted to be a writer. Reading was a big part of my life growing up and I loved writing fictional stories that would emulate the great books that I had read all my life.

However, as I lost my naiveté and learned to be more “practical” with my career choices, I decided that writing was not a safe future financially and abandoned the dream altogether. I made the mistake of thinking that a writer automatically had to be on par with amazing, popular writers like J.K. Rowling or J. R. R. Tolkien.

I had set my goals too high at the time and with the unholy alliance of my insecurity and lack of confidence, I prohibited myself from trying at all. I was scared of failure and the embarrassment that would follow from failing.

So I decided to give up on my dreams, until I thought about my future child.

I imagined myself having a job that I never enjoyed, but kept to pay the bills and have a relatively comfortable lifestyle. I had foregone all the risk of chasing my dreams and finding fulfilling work, and instead settled for something that slowly drained every fiber of my being.

I imagined myself talking to my little mini-me, and while he would be playing with his toy truck or swinging on the swing set, he would ask me the question that would prick my heart — “Dad, what was your dream job growing up? Are you living your dream right now? Are you happy?”

Would I lie to my child? Would I tell them that I was living the life I dreamt of, even if it wasn’t true? Would I tell them that I felt very happy, when I actually wasn’t?

I realized that I would want to answer that question confidently and truthfully. I would want to have lived the life I wanted and achieved the things I wanted to achieve.

I would want to tell my child that I had been brave and chased after my dream and attained it with hard-work, discipline and dedication.

I would want to inspire my child to chase after her own dreams, and implant the belief that they could achieve anything they wanted if they were brave enough.

I would want to be the living proof to my child that dreams do come true.

I would want to be able to support my child whole heartedly in all their aspirations.

If I had been scared of taking the leap of faith and chasing after my dreams even when there were naysayers and doubters, I wouldn’t be able to confidently support my child’s dreams.

What I am doing now is not only for myself. It is also for my future child.

It is to experience the things that arise when you chase the things that seem impossible to most people, and pass those lessons off to my child.

It is to experience all the doubt, the moments of weakness and the painful failures so that I could understand what my child will feel when they bravely pave their own paths.

I want them to believe in themselves, and look to me when they need reminders of the end goal. I want to be their living proof that despite all the uncertainty and opposition, they could succeed if they tried hard enough.

I want them to live life with courage and passion.

I want them to create and live up to their potential.

I want them to achieve great things and be a part of mankind’s history.

I don’t want them to live in fear and live a life that drains their soul.

I don’t want them to give up on their dreams, so I won’t give up on mine.

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

- Thomas Edison