Showing appreciation: A foolproof means of advancing relationships?

Some research suggests that the act of showing appreciation within relationships will strengthen desirable qualities in these relationships. A lot of attention has been afforded to the role of gratitude, it is often suggested that gratitude is strongly related to how well people are doing in the many areas of their lives. A catchy way of framing the value of gratitude was provided by someone who suggested that gratitude is a currency that you can mint for yourself, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.

Regardless of these many different positive aspects of gratitude, it has been suggested that gratitude holds an influence on relationships in particular, perhaps especially close relationships.

And since these close relationships have been highlighted as one of the most important areas for people’s ability to be at their best, it could be illuminating to examine some of these studies a bit more closely.

Some authors investigated the effect of expressing appreciation on relationship communality, something which seems to be closely related to sense of closeness and commitment within a relationship.

Through a range of three different complementary studies, the authors sought to test the proposition that showing appreciation in a relationship will make it stronger.

As expected, the studies consistently show that this kind of appreciation increases a sense of closeness in a relationship.

The authors reach the conclusion that:

“Gratitude is a social emotion that serves important functions in relationships when it is expressed.” — Lambert et al. 2010

Another study zoomed in on cohabitating couples, investigating the effects of thoughtfulness and gratitude on relationship quality. It was shown that feelings of gratitude towards a partner was positively related to relationship quality on the following day.

And the same was true for thoughtful actions within the relationship.

It seems as if anyone is appreciative within a relationship, they will both be better off:

“Gratitude from simple everyday interactions predicted increases in relationship quality for each member of the couple.” — Algoe et al., 2010

A third study offers a similar viewpoint.

The study investigates how it would be possible to strengthen appreciation within intimate relationships and discusses different strategies for doing so.

The study suggests — a bit of a digression — in referencing to other studies, that variation in the activities that the couple engages in will be likely to increase and renew the sense of appreciation of these activities.

Of particular interest in this context though, the authors suggest that appreciation may be especially important in intimate relationships. They too, like other authors, suggest that voicing appreciation in a relationship will give rise to a range of desirable outcomes.

“These findings offer persuasive evidence that voicing appreciation for one’s partner may be associated with higher relationship stability and well-being.” — Bao & Lyubomirsky, 2013

A fourth study deals with whether the emotion gratitude fosters behaviors that encourages and build relationships.

They showed, using experiments, that gratitude affects the will to meet up with and engage with others again, as well as the will to endure minor hardships for the sake of the recent benefactor.

They speak of gratitude’s ability to shape the social choices that people make, suggesting that a desire to spend time with another person is a key component of building relationships.

Gratitude in this study then seems to promote sociality and relationships.

“The emotion gratitude is argued to play a pivotal role in building and maintaining social relationships.” — Bartlett et al., 2012

Theses studies which were just briefly summarized above focused on showing or voicing gratitude, feeling grateful towards someone, and on feeling grateful as a result of earlier interaction.

Each of these was as expected positively related to relationship qualities.

An attempt to interpret and summarize some of this research is the find-remind-and-bind theory of gratitude.

Similar to these studies above, which were all investigative studies, this article presents a theory that focuses on the relational value of gratitude.

According to this theory, gratitude serves the purpose of finding the good qualities in others, being reminded of them and binding these people more closely together.

One could imagine that the ones that express appreciation will feel and be more positive and appreciative, and the one or the ones that are shown this appreciation will be happy for their part. They may also then be more likely to take part in such behaviors again in the future.

In conclusion, there are tangible effects on the quality of relationships just from the simple act of showing appreciation.

“We have provided additional documentation that expressing gratitude, an easily modifiable behavior, can strengthen a close relationship.” — Lambert et al., 2010

Referenced studies in order of mentioning:

• Lambert, Clark, Durtschi, Fincham and Graham, 2010. Benefits of expressing gratitude: Expressing gratitude to a partner changes one’s view of the relationship. Psychological Science.
• Algoe, Gable and Maisel, 2010. It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal relationships.
• Jacobs Bao and Lyubomirsky, 2013. Making it last: Combating hedonic adaptation in romantic relationships. The Journal of Positive Psychology.
• Bartlett, Condon, Cruz, Baumann, and Desteno, 2012. Gratitude: Prompting behaviours that build relationships. Cognition & emotion.
• Algoe, 2012. Find, remind, and bind: The functions of gratitude in everyday relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. (the find-remind-and-bind theory of gratitude)
• DeFrain and Asay, 2007. Strong families around the world: An introduction to the family strengths perspective. Marriage & Family Review.