You haven’t been told this about friendships, I promise
Beyond the friendships dynamics
If I were to ask you how a friendship is supposed to feel, you would most probably tell me that it is supposed to be enjoyable, easy-going, make you happy, and so on. And yet, my best friendships were the ones I had a love-hate relationship with.
To explain this concept better, I will introduce my two friends. Let’s call them V and J.
Making plans with V. always felt easy, and I looked forward to each of our dates. She made me feel comfortable and challenged only small parts of myself. She inspired me to care less about what other people think. When I was with her, it was only us; no one else was around. We didn’t talk daily, and I was afraid of having to face awkward silence when I was around her. However, we never ran out of topics to talk about when we met. And yet, I didn’t feel like I could totally be myself and talk about what I loved. I loved who I was when I was with her; although it wasn’t totally me, it was still a part of me.
J. is all I could ever ask for in a friendship. When I had given up on friendships, she appeared. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have talked with anyone on my first day at college. I knew she was everything I needed, and yet I didn’t feel it. It feels hard to plan dates with her. We talk almost daily, and yet some times it feels hard to keep up with it all. When we meet, I am the happiest person in the world, and I am reminded once again why I love my friends. We don’t really talk about a lot of things, as it feels like we have known each other since forever, although we met only one year ago. She gives me the space to talk about myself, and I feel the most like myself when I am with her.
I thought that there must be something wrong with the second friendship and, although it meant hurting both, I should end it because she didn’t deserve to be thought of like that. While thinking seriously about this, I sat down to journal, and everything became much more clear.
It was wrong of me to assume that I had grown enough. As much as I might have grown, thinking that there was no more growth to do soon was wrong. We, as humans, are meant to interact and grow, and yet, deep down, as much as I told myself that I was always going to do that, I refused to face it when it appeared in the most unexpected places.
We are all aware of friendship dynamics, but we must also be aware of the purpose of different types of friendships.
V. is a place for me to enjoy my current self and all the small moments of my life while searching for inspiration in the present moment. She is here to help me become the best version of my current self. On the other hand, J. is a place for me to grow and become a higher version of myself. I can’t always feel as comfortable with her as I do with V. Sometimes I have to make an effort, allow other people to love me, and let myself be loved. I have to break out of the routine or the assumptions I have in the moment and allow growth in its own way. I was uncomfortable for a reason — bbecause I had to grow in order to feel as comfortable with J as I do with V.
I have gone through a lot of fallouts in my life when it comes to friendships, and I have read a lot of books on this topic and books with characters who had strong friendships. I thought I knew everything I needed to know about them. And yet, not one of them talked about this feeling, one of the most rare yet important ones.
