To Love We Have To Lose Control

I’m scared of losing control, but it’s ironic. I try to control every second of my life yet I feel like I don’t have control at all.

By trying to constantly be in control it hinders me from getting what I really want, what anyone ultimately wants, a relationship. A genuine relationship with family, friends and a significant other. We want these people to pour out our hearts to. We want to love and be loved. However, in order to do that, we need to let go of our controlling nature.

With me personally, I’m not saying that my controlling habits make me want to control another person’s life. I’m saying that I’m scared I will lose control of my own life by giving my heart to someone else.

We have to let down our guard. We have to give up a part of ourselves to let people see who we really are. We have to allow the possibility of being hurt in order to give and receive love.

I’ve had my guard up for years and never realized it until recently. I think those control/trust issues can root back to my cult experience. I let not only my girlfriend at the time in (who was part of the church), but the entire church. I poured my heart out to these people to where I could call them my family, but I got hurt, BAD. My real family and friends, even myself, lost the image of who I was. When I turned 21 I had to start life over. I left that church having to find out who Jesse was again. Once I finally got that self-image back it was hard to give it up again, but I’ve learned I have to. Allowing people to see who you really are is the only way we can build genuine relationships.

What has really made me write about this topic today is that I think our controlling nature and its relation to love and be loved can root back to our relationship with God. If we hold back from letting someone else love us, or we love them, how can we even start to comprehend the deep, genuine love God has for us? How can we truly love Him?

It’s scary to think that maybe I’ve never let God into my heart. I call myself a Christian but I often wonder if I truly understand the message Jesus is trying to tell me. Maybe I’m alone on this (I hope not!).

I’m now actively trying to let people into my life and love everyone. I’m giving a part of me to others, losing control, in order to give and receive love.

I think back on a saying I’ve heard throughout the past:

Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.

To think we actually have control of our lives is silly. We never did. God did, does and always will.

What are some ways you can express love to the people that surround you, or, more importantly, to God?