Cancer Can’t Control Me, Anymore.

I grew up in Wisconsin, and I moved to Los Angeles when I was 18 years old. To follow my dream of becoming an actress. I lived there for 2 years and I loved it. I loved working in the film industry and making ‘movie magic’ is what I call it. I would have continued making movie magic if I wasn’t diagnosed with cancer when I was 20. I decided it was in my best interested to move back to Wisconsin and get treatment there. I had to put my dreams on pause to fight this cancer thing. After 2 years of treatment I was able to move back again. I was so eager to get into acting again and to start up the life I had to put on hold again.

This week, a year ago I moved to Los Angeles to take my life back from cancer and to continue following my dream. Unfortunately I only lived In LA for a month before I found out my cancer had came back and I needed to move back to Wisconsin again. If I knew that I would only be in LA for a month I would not have moved back. But there is no way to know that. Life can be unpredictable. I didn’t know how long my life would be put on hold for, or when I would be able to resume my dreams. But from what it sounded like my doctors didn’t think I would be able to move back to LA again. I packed up my things and said good bye to my friends and drove back to Wisconsin. Obviously my story doesn’t end there, if it did I wouldn’t be writing this.

This week I just moved back to Los Angeles again. It took a year for me to get back on my feet and move back out to LA. But guess what I am here, and this time I am not going to let cancer stop me. I’m taking my life back from cancer and I am no longer going to live in fear of it. I am not going to live in fear of it coming back because living in fear is no way to live at all. By taking my life back I am choosing to worry about cancer a little less and to focus on having fun.

There is a sense of freedom that comes when you let go of worrying. Which is a lot easier to say than to do. But what I have found that if I focus on the task at hand weather it be something simple like do I want to drink juice or water, or something a little more complicated as what I am going to wear today. If I stay present in the moment, and focus on what I am doing I find that there is less room in my brain to worry about what if my cancer comes back. And if that thought comes into my mind I think about what I am doing at the moment, and if the answer is I’m not doing anything then I just think happy thoughts.

I don’t know if my cancer will come back again, I don’t know if I am going to be in LA for 3 weeks or for 3 years. I actively choose not to think about it and not to worry about it. Because the future is unknown. All I know is for right now I am in LA to make some more movie magic, and that is what I plan to do. As long as I don’t let it, Cancer Can’t Control Me!