Guest blog by community member: Hailey Crider ~ 5 Things I Wish I Knew About Cancer
5 Things I Wish I Knew About Cancer
By Hailey Crider
Being diagnosed with Stage IV Melanoma at 29 years old has been quite the roller coaster — as you can imagine. There is something about this awful experience that brings so much perspective.
Here are five things I wish I knew about living with cancer prior to being diagnosed:
1. Cancer doesn’t discriminate. This is the hardest thing in the world to wrap your head around — but it’s the truth. It’s hard not to ask the “why” questions about a cancer diagnosis but you’ll likely never find the answers . You’ll ruin yourself with “shoulda, woulda, coulda” mental games because none of that matters. Cancer doesn’t give a f*ck what kind of person you are. It doesn’t care if you have a family, it doesn’t care if you’re healthy, it does. not. discriminate.
2. There are no guarantees and logic doesn’t apply. You’ll likely have been taught your whole life that the end result of anything is a direct correlation of the effort you put in to it. That is not the case with cancer. It’s not logical. There is no “cause and effect” situation happening — the rules simply don’t apply. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to fight your disease, but a worsening prognosis is not a reflection of you.
3. Just because you know what to expect doesn’t make it any easier experiencing it. Your doctors will likely communicate common side effects. You’ll find online communities or have friends/family that have been through similar situations. You’ll think you have a pretty good idea of what you’re being thrown into, but that doesn’t make it any easier to process and/or handle it.
4. Cancer is arguably more emotionally taxing than it is physically. This is obviously dependent on the type of cancer diagnosis and treatment plan you have, but do not ignore the emotional side effects. Healing mentally is just as important and is often an afterthought. Your body will go into fight mode, but that is only sustainable for so long.
5. Your friends likely won’t get it. That sounds harsher than probably I mean it to, but I don’t know how else to put it. Some friends will try, but the majority won’t understand. They might be shocked, sad and/or upset for a period of time, but ultimately their life will go on as normal and your cancer won’t be top of mind for them. Unless they have been personally affected by cancer, they won’t understand that you’re dealing with something every single day of your life. And unlike a head cold, it doesn’t get better in a week or so. You’ll hear things like “it’ll all be okay” or “you’ll get through it” and while those statements are meant to be inspiring and heart-felt, it will, at times, feel like a punch to the gut. Just remember, they have the best intentions.
30-year old living in Phoenix, Arizona diagnosed with Stage IV Melanoma in September, 2018. Was declared NED in July 2019!
