Stupid Cancer Stories: Overcome
I am Jake, 28 years young, and just another typical beachy Aussie bloke. My life has had its challenges growing up (as have we all) but in recent years things got heavy. Thankfully I’m on the other side of it all now and it just feels right to start opening up about some of those darker days, how they made me feel and how I am now that it’s all behind me. So, let’s get into it!
Back in May 2018, on a routine motorcycle ride home from work, I was cut off by a car making a sudden illegal turn. I collided with this car at high speed and suffered life-threatening injuries. My spine was snapped right next to my brain stem (called the hangman fracture), I crushed a bunch of bones, my lungs collapsed. Doctors were amazed that I not only survived, but didn’t end up a quadriplegic. My recovery took around a year and required a spinal fusion at C1–2 along with a few other surgeries to put me back together again. I wore a bulky neck brace to stop me from moving and got around on a knee scooter for a good 6 months. I’ll spare the details but I can say that it was the most painful, emasculating, and difficult time of my life. To top it off, my father suddenly passed away during my recovery at just 58 years old of heart failure. So yep, it was a hard year.
Fast forward to the end of 2019, I was finally recovered enough to get back to work. I jumped straight back into running my own business as a Personal Trainer. Things were looking up again! But after just a few months of training clients and taking classes, I began to lose my voice. It went from loud and clear to a husky mess. I eventually got it checked out by an ENT in Jan 2020, when after a biopsy, I was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer. In my opinion (along with that of my oncologist), having the trauma of the accident the year before, with the countless X Rays, tubes down my throat and stresses on my body could well have been a big trigger that caused the cancer to develop.
My little family had already gone through so much with me over the previous year. This blow really took a toll not only on my mental health, but on all of my loved ones too. I did my best to put on a brave face most of the time but inside I knew I was just bottling it all up. Toxic masculinity is what we call that!
Initially they attempted to surgically remove the cancer. That just ruined my voice more, and the cancer grew back within 6 months. Next up, the oncologist wanted me to try radiotherapy; however, by this stage I had honestly lost a lot of hope. I knew that radio had some nasty side effects and I also knew that the next step down that path, if radio were to fail, would be a tracheostomy. Which for those who aren’t aware means removal of the larynx and breathing through a hole directly through the chest to the lungs. Scary stuff for a young bloke to worry about aye!
So yeah, I was stressing out. I had a few bad days here and there, but one day it all became too overwhelming. I’d like to talk about that time in particular. I feel by verbalising it and expressing that this is something I experienced, it might make others realise that these things happen, but you can move on. Warning — this may be triggering…
One day I just lost it. I couldn’t contain my emotions anymore. Instead of doing anything useful like talking to someone or medicating myself, I went to a huge cliff, sat by its edge, and wept thinking about how worthless my life was. Seriously contemplating jumping off to just end it. I came so close, but I didn’t. I’m not sure why, perhaps because of all the people I love in my life, or maybe I knew it wasn’t my time. Whatever the reason, I’m grateful to be here writing about it rather than being another statistic.
That day passed and I pressed on with my battle. I ended up doing a lot of research into what else might be possible other than radio, but the more I dug the more confusing it all becomes. On one hand you have the oncologist strictly suggesting his way or the highway (cut out, poison, or zap), but on the other hand I found an abundance of research supporting the successful use of alternative therapies.
I asked my oncologist if I could have some time to give some of these other treatments a go, which he agreed to. Off I went down a path of CRAZY intense wonderful healing. I learnt about breathwork, did some long-term juice fasting, a long-term water fast (while being closely monitored by a doctor), I took all the herbs, cancer fighting supplements, vitamin C infusions, and whatever else I could access.
In the end my cancer wasn’t cured; however, investing my time and energy into all these alternative treatments was one of the most amazing transformations of my life. I felt incredible, got in great shape, and was more mentally stable. So even though the cancer didn’t go into remission from these other treatments, I feel like it kickstarted my body into a deep state of healing. Ready for the next step in the modern approach — a 5-week course of radiation.
To anyone who’s had radiation to the neck, you know how bad it is. For everyone else, let me tell you it SUCKS. Not only did the radiation hit its target (my larynx) but it also zapped its way through my oesophagus. This made eating and drinking excruciating, especially all the healthy food I loved like fruit, legumes, and whole grains. Instead I went on a diet of 2 minute noodles, eggs, and heavy pain medication for the duration of the treatment, plus another 4 weeks or so. I also got a horrible chest infection during the treatment. I would wake up several times through the night with a puddle of mucous on my pillow, usually accompanied by agonisingly painful coughing fits. Eventually it got to the point where I was so scared of falling asleep I would just either stay awake all night long or abuse my sedative medication to numb the pain.
After a couple of months, slowly I reintroduced normal food, the infection passed, and the pain settled but was still there. Leading into my next appointment with my oncologist I was FULL of anxiety. After nothing but bad news all year I was expecting the worst. As he stuck that camera down my nose, my heart was beating hard as I prepared myself for bad news. Lucky for me though, I got good news. The radio had done its job, the lumps where all gone, and my larynx — although still red and sore — was finally beginning to heal. Hallelujah!
Anyways now on with regular life?! I still can’t personal train for a while, as I’ve been told to speak at low volume and not to strain my voice. I’m almost done with my remedial massage studies so what a perfect transition! Sure, I’m still on cancer watch for a few years and there’s absolutely some anxiety about it coming back, but for now I’m just happy to be able to make plans for my future rather than suffering constant anxiety. After some reflection, I’m even now at a point that I am grateful for all the challenges the last few years have brought me. Without them I wouldn’t be who I am right now, and I really like that guy (me😊)! I’m strong, willing to speak up about mental health issues, and have proven I can overcome any adversity life throws at me.
I’ll finish up with a couple of my favourite quotes which should give some strength for you too.
“The hardest struggles are only gifted to the toughest soldiers.”
“One day your test will be your testimonies.”
“Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”
“The sculpture must accept the chisel to become its final self.”
“Even though it feels like you’re in the fire, perhaps you are a clay model and these flames are only helping to add beauty to the rest of your days.”
Sending love, light, strength, courage and best wishes to all of you warriors out there fighting your own battles. Don’t ever be afraid to tell anyone how you feel. If you’re hurting — that’s OK! Have your bad days sure, but try not think of yourself as a victim. It might be your greatest blessing one day when you look back! Try your best to find that sweet spot between going with the flow and taking responsibility for what you can control.
By Jake O’Brien
