I Can Imagine?

Emotional intelligence was not a thing for me some years ago, but now, I can imagine has done me timely promising. I can imagine is a way I constantly lay in the track of being emotionally intelligent, when I say I can imagine, even if I can’t. It really helps to put my self in people’s situations. I never considered Emotional Intelligence a skill or a necessity. I couldn’t even handle my own emotions, so there wasn’t a necessity for me to be mindful of others.

Being brought up in Ibadan has made me realize that the worst people that can question your Emotional Intelligence in this city are the bike men. The moment you show empathy towards them is when they will show you pepper.

I feel there is something about thoughts generally, it is when you intentionally put things into action that it gets you enthralled and challenging the most. There was a month I spurred myself to practice every fruit of the spirit deliberately, at that point in my life it became difficult the more, It was better when I wasn’t mindful than when I was.

I can remember when I just got into the University, I agreed to be the class representative, I came to the school with a merit list, and serving my classmates was just a greenhorn then. A lecturer called me one morning to organize a class in an hour time, I didn’t know what to do, and there was no available group chat at the time, the only way I could reach out was through calls, I had to call every contact I believed I had, I felt it was logical for some people to have realized there’s no way I could have phoned a class of at least 75 to 100 then, (Merit list and First batch students) Unluckily for some, they missed the lesson, the ones that attended the class felt really grateful and clearly appreciated the action, few ones that missed outraged and said they don’t want me as their representative again. I began sobbing in front of the class, not because they want to terminate me from the position, but because I felt they didn’t recognize my endeavor. The then, departmental president (Dazzle), made me realize that it’s not everyone that will accept me and I have to learn how to control my emotions in front of others. (Thank you, Dazzle! Those words changed a lot in my leadership journey). For a long time, I had not so good feelings for everyone who gave a negative remark towards me that day, but the moment I put myself in their situation, I figured their actions were right. If I had missed a class because of a class rep, would I have jumped on him/her and say thank you? Nope! But then, I was not emotionally intelligent.

In the world we are in, expressing your emotions freely is conditioned to be “ emotional or dramatic,” So, when there are sensitiveness you are rightfully free to express, you hide them because you don’t want to be labeled. I am of the opinion that, it’s not so good to refer someone expressing their strong feelings as emotional. It’s very okay to express your strong feelings! But the thing is, can you control them and know when to and not?

According to Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist, who helped to popularize emotional intelligence said, “ there are five keys to it,”

• Self-awareness: keep a journal, slow down and hold yourself accountable for your emotions.
• Self-regulation: People who regulate themselves rarely verbally attack others, make rushed or emotional decisions, inference people, or compromise their values. Self-regulation is all about staying in control of your emotions.
• Motivation: People who put this into practice are optimistic. Every time they encounter a challenge, or even a failure, they try to find at least one fortunate thing about the situation. It might be something minor, like a new contact, or something with long-term outcomes, like a significant task learned. But there’s almost always something positive if you look for it.
• Empathy: put yourself in someone’s position, pay attention to your body language, what message are you passing while listening to people’s pain.
• Social skills: Leaders who exercise social skills are great communicators. They are just as open to hearing bad news as good news. They know how to manage and resolve conflict, they praise people a lot to make them feel good.

Have you ever wondered why people bully each other, or being so judgemental, from sexism to ethnicity or whatnot? It is insecurities, that is a cause of lack of emotional intelligence. If you can’t imagine people’s situation, how on earth can you relate to it? We are in a world that our physical health is more important than psychological health, which is wrong.

Accept emotions, whether they are good or horrible. Reflect, handle your own emotions before you handle others. I feel some parents are one of the major people that emotionally dehydrate children, but they don’t even realize how much the things they say hurt.

Imagine a life where everyone is emotionally intelligent? Our parents, siblings, spouse, friends, boss, and colleagues. The thoughts is really soothing to imagine. I sincerely hope we can live in such world.

Note: The five keys to emotional intelligence and picture 2 and 3 were cupped from mindtools.com

P.S: Thank you to everyone who reached out when I choose not to write, your encouragement put me up to do this! Manuel and Joseph, you both deserve a medal for encouraging me that much.

Kindly clap as much as you can, it makes me feel that I am not deserted.