WHY WE ARE ALL STILL SINGLE
Context: I wrote this my “unsolicited opinion” on different days and I am very single
Instruction: Plug in your earpiece, and listen to Chike and Simi’s “Running to you” before reading.
14th of January
10:01pm
Intro: My name is Oyinfayo, I prefer to write when I feel like, I have a flair for showing my face, but I don’t want to open a Youtube yet! Let me jand first naa, so I can be giving you “My experience in Manchester, Oh my gawwwd! guess whuuu I sawtuday” in British and whatever accent it is. In the meantime, let’s stick to this.
By the way, I graduated four weeks ago! I got a job in Ibadan and I turned it down. (Reasons why I can’t stay in Ibadan in my previous post)
P.S I REPEAT, I AM SINGLE
Since you are reading this today, Happy Valentine’s Day!
For me? Today! I will take time to see Romcom on Netflix or I might go out with Rhoda (She is a friend and my roommate at University)
I was going to write a different thing, but it is like a lot of people are single. So? Here we are.
Disclaimer: I am not experienced in it all, as in my first relationship was short. In fact, my mum said it’s not a relationship. That is, take what you gonna take and go home with what you want. This is just my opinion.
22nd of January,
12:14 am
Bro! 4 reasons, why you are still single?
- YOU ARE WAITING: She said, “She’s not ready for a relationship and you are waiting.” LMAO!! For real? Do people still wait? Like y’all actually wait for each other? Come off it, Brother! What she means is “She is not ready for a relationship with you.” I promise, give her six months, six months kwa! Three months, when she meets the spec list! You are going to see an immediate change of plans!
- YOU ARE TOO PICKY: LMAO! Yes, you are a SPEC! As in!!! Hot spec. This a general problem! I am like you too, you see something wrong with this one and that one. Everybody in your life has a but. You know you have butsssss to yeah? (Let me, share an inside joke with you, I didn’t date someone because I think he eats too much like he orders something you might not have considered a problem, but I have a problem with it, I think I prefer the one that eats normal, very normal, how can your food be scaring me naa?) See? See that your problem is not even as worse as mine! That’s why you have to come off it! And stoooopsheet! Stop giving excuses. You think Shola is perfect and then all of a sudden, She laughs so brightly! What exactly is your problem? Sowi! What exactly is our problem.
- YOU ARE SELFISH: Yes, very selfish as a matter of fact! You like that fair lady, but you don’t want to ask her out because you are enjoying this situation ship thing? And what’s the point of making it official right? Exactly! No point. So you are keeping her? While you are still dreaming of meeting Cindarela, or Victoria Orenze in Kamala Harris Body, I am sure one would even be Dorothy in Dorothy’s body. Brother! I repeat you are selfish! And may you never leave single hood. Amen!!!
- YOU ARE BROKE: You see this broke thing? I get! If I were you too, I will remain single. Rephrase. I am you, you is me. I have always dreamt of buying my man expensive shoes and perfumes! Like mad expensive ones! But you see right now? I just canceled the 4k sandals I ordered, because I don’t have money! Is it me that will now date? So this one? Let’s advise ourselves? Do you think we should ignore that part and follow our heart? But true true, Is it that you are like very very broke, as in you’re poor? Or you are thinking your money isn’t enough to stay in a relationship? Is relationship that expensive? I think you reconsider your decisions sha
All my Ladies (In Iyanya’s voice)
You see all of us has similar problems, I don’t even know how to start with this group, but I think we have lots and loads of problem (Did, I hear you say, God forbid?)
- WE LOWKEY ENJOY SITUATIONSHIP: Don’t even look at me like I am lying! Don’t! You see Christians situationships are my favourite, they promise each other marriage in friendshiprelationship. Like you all are not dating and you will still want to marry each other! How naa? Sometimes, we enjoy the undefined relationship, that we overthink and get bothered about going. into an actual relationship, I get? What’s the point yeah?
2. MEN ARE SCUM: Yeah, I hear these phrases a lot, just so you know? Women are scum too. So there are scum in both forms. I understand that you don’t want to get hurt again? Did I tell you, it took me a year to completely get over my Ex? So, if you are dwelling over that breakup. I think it’s time to move on! It’s time to feel loved, it’s time to go on dates, it’s time to allow yourself feel all the emotions! Again.
P.S: I am not saying you won’t get hurt again, That why the phrase, men are scum still exists, I read it somewhere that, you can’t start the next chapter if you still keep rereading the previous one.
3. HE IS SHORT: I am literally laughing out loud, the guy you fell in love with is short and you have issues with short people. (According to my research, 80% of Ladies who married short people, fell in love unplanned) For over six months, you have been deliberating if you can overlook the shortness and focus on the very good qualities. Shey, you want me to advise you? You better date him if you are in love, you might not find that quality in a tall guy oooo. But still? He is short, Oremi!
4. WE CAN NOT DATE BROKE GUY: You know I somehow have problem with guys that consider us materialistic because we don’t want to date broke guys. Wait you! Do you want to date yourself? When we say we are looking for someone that is boxed up, it’s not because we want your money, we want you to have it for yourself. Money will make you look fresh! Even Davido said it “when money enters love is sweeter.” You do not have to be rich, but come to the relationship with funds because I am coming with it too. We will need money to buy recharge card, go on dates. Etc! So baby girl, if you are not ready to date a broke guy! Don’t! Abi?
Now to you people in relationship: bless our timeline with beautiful Jpegs today, Let us awwwww for you, Ejooor!
I like it when you clap, kindly clap as much as you can and follow, if you want to.
