Coaching and Self-Coaching

Outsourcing help can beget self-acceptance

In seasons of transition, making adjustments effectively is key.

As a self-aware type like many of you, keeping journal(s) and holding space throughout the margins of the week to reflect, ruminate, regroup, and so on, ostensibly towards betterment — that’s just part of the process.

So too, are regular “un-plugging” periods to take a big step back, take meaningful time away from work or routine, and take stock of my life whole-hog. Am I enjoying the mudpit of life? Do I need to make some adjustments to my technique or outlook to more fully squelch?

Working with a professional coach is something I’ve gradually explored doing over the last ~2 years. In the initial pause of early COVID, I did a bit of research to find someone to help me reorient my lens on “work” — a poorly defined genre in my life that includes but is not limited to concepts such as professionalism, money, entrepreneurship, my personal brand, a 5-year-plan, personal finances, and at least one other Big Serious Topic that we’ll get into shortly.

Outsource that Sh*t

I finally met with my coach yesterday and after about 30 minutes of conversation I stumbled into a powerful moment of trust, in myself and in them. Accepting that the details are important with those aforementioned topics, I admitted to my coach, and to myself, that actually, despite my nervousness and uncertainty, the big picture for just about every item on that list is that it’s perfectly fine, and might, in fact, be actually pretty great.

Not bad for a first call.

What is coaching? It’s different from therapy, but it’s more immediate than a self-help book or a Tony Robbins youtube video. Like therapy, it’s as much about the time with the trained professional as it is about the time between sessions. But it’s more akin to a personal trainer helping rehab from an injury — which in my current case is also happening at this juncture.

That’s not all. I’ve also begun to work with a finance professional to help turn my DIY personal money management system into a long-term source of stability for my family. I sort of know what I don’t know, sort of, but maybe not. So, I’m outsourcing it to a pro — or, I will be soon.

Everything in its right place

Going back to college, I’d try to organize my life into these various buckets: social, academic, physical fitness, and so on. Now that I’m All Grown Up (™), I’m finding that the last two decades of compartmentalization has meant holding onto all of the details of all the things I’m doing, all by myself, is actually holding on to the stress of it all, which has taken its toll on my physical and mental health, not to mention my relationships, my work, my creative pursuits, and all other areas of my life.

As I peel off these ossified layers of anxiety, one by one, slowly, deliberately, gently even, and put myself into the hands of a professional, I’m already finding a new well of space opening up at or around my core. I feel lighter, more positive, more lucid. Sort of like a metaphysical Marie Kondo effect.

In my soul maybe? It feels damn good, is what I’m saying.

The Juice is Loose

Which leaves me with more wherewithal, or presence of mind, or JUICE, to attend to that other Big Serious Topic I mentioned: Creative Writing. In part, I will be working on that with my coach — how to gain confidence in my creative writing career. Tactically, this includes things like writing down a career plan and developing a view of all the work that I am doing, and have been doing for the last seven years or so, in terms of writing, networking, learning, and building up my “artist CV.”

But more strategically, I realized I want to use this extra space I’ve begun unlocking within myself to become my own writing coach. To see myself as a creative writer and not a wannabe, an amateur, a daydreamer, or a poser. Someone who can help myself to become more steady, consistent, and skillful as a writer as well as an active literary citizen of the world, whatever that means. I’m still figuring it all out, yo.

This will eventually span everything from making sure I am clear (or at least seeking truth) outside of my fiction writing, on the ‘nonfiction of’ my own politics, sexuality and gender norms, cultural and emotional baggage, professional baggage (a.k.a. cynicism), and honestly, a bunch of other crap that exceeds the focus of this particular ramble.

• What helpful self-coaching tools or exercises have you used?
• What resources or professional services/products would you recommend?
• What are your thoughts or approaches to the idea of “unlearning?”

Thanks for reading.