Marriage Equality Now and Forever
The celebration of the SCOTUS decision in favor of same-sex marriage at San Francisco Gay Pride.
by Albert Serna Jr.
In the summer of 2008, I did a lot of walking and talking. Not because I enjoyed it but because I felt it was my duty. In only a few short months the nation would be electing a new president, and California would be deciding on whether or not marriage equality was legal. I worked in the hot Southern California sun and spoke to anyone who would listen. I went door to door handing out information sheets, and starting a dialogue. I asked that the citizens of California vote NO on Proposition 8, a statewide ballot that would eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry.
I was heartbroken when on Nov. 8, 2008, voters approved Prop 8 by a slim majority, denying the right of marriage to LGBTQ citizens in California.
It was crushing, but there was still hope. On June 26, 2013, the Supreme Court of the United States declared that Prop. 8 was unconstitutional.
Now, two years later, after a lengthy battle, the Supreme Court of the United States has made a groundbreaking decision on marriage equality. In a 4–5 ruling, the justices broke down a barrier that has been standing for too long between people who only seek acceptance of their love under the law.
For those of us queer people who have been fighting, the decision is the fruit of our hard work and dedication. In 2013, I took my first trip to San Francisco Pride and was fortunate to have the decision against Prop. 8 released the Friday of.
Now, as I sit on my bed listening to ABBA and crying my eyes out, I am elated to be heading back to San Francisco Pride for the second time. It is a coincidence that I will be in San Francisco this weekend, and that I went originally back in 2013. In celebration of the ruling, marriage equality, and being gay in general, I will be posting each day my adventure at San Francisco Pride.
I am doing this to show you — all of you — what pride means, and how much love the community will be sharing. So for now, I say this to anyone who is against marriage equality for whatever reason:
Love is not something to fear, nor is it something that will invalidate your own love. It can only heal a cold broken world.
Day One at San Francisco Pride
My first day in San Francisco, passed rather quickly. My companions and I could hardly contain ourselves as we crossed the Oakland bridge to celebrate not only gay pride, but also the Supreme Court’s decision for marriage equality.
As we walked the streets to our first destination, the city was alive, crowded, buzzing, and full of love. When we entered the karaoke bar at around 8 p.m., it was already difficult to find seats. People — gay and straight alike — were dedicating their songs to the recent acceptance of marriage equality in the nation. There were drinks being bought for and by strangers, people were dancing and laughing as if they had known each other their whole lives, and the amount of rainbows could make a unicorn sick.
One of the first things I saw — and experienced — was how happy the atmosphere felt. I have been to San Francisco several times, and each time I have felt embraced and loved by the city. This time however, was something more.
First, on a normal pride weekend the party generally starts on Friday night. There are pre-parties, drink specials, and sometimes even performers at local bars and clubs. However, the pre-parties aren’t generally something many people attend — most folks get in late Friday night and keep it pretty low key.
Second, the Castro is generally alive with locals and new arrivals. It doesn’t take long to get into the bars, which aren’t any more crowded than on your average weekend.
And finally, although San Francisco is known as a gay mecca, the amount of rainbow flags for pride weekend tend to stand out. You can tell that they are only displayed because business owners want the pride business.
When we finally left the bar around midnight, we walked the streets to our next destination: 440 Castro. On our way, I noticed something interesting. There were little rainbow flags and stickers attached to all of the hotdog vendor carts along the street. It was as though the entire city was celebrating.
It took us roughly 30 minutes to get into the club and once we were inside, it was difficult to navigate. The bar was packed from wall to wall with big, beefy, hairy men — my favorite. However to be honest, in my past experiences, this particular bar had been somewhat cliquey. Most of the guys there are locals who know each other and they tend to stay together. But on this night, there were no barriers, no walls that stopped people from communicating. This night, we were all family.
And as the night wore on, I laughed, danced, and loved in a way I never had before. For once I felt equal in the eyes of the law. The men and women who I met were kind and loving in the best possible way. We talked about our lives, how we came out, what we had done to further the cause for equality.
We ended the night at a diner and sat at a long table with strangers who needed a place to sit. It was as if we were distant relatives seeing each other for the first time.
I sat next to a woman who was roughly 56. She was there with her wife and their best friend. She introduced herself simply as Frida. She told me that she had lived in Tennessee her whole life, and what she had experienced as a queer woman.
For her, coming out was difficult. Her family were part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints — Mormons. She struggled immensely with her sexuality and gender identity growing up. This was her first pride although she and her wife had gotten married in New York a year ago and had been together for nearly 20 years.
She heard the ruling on marriage equality as she got off the plane at SFO. Frida said that the moment she received the text from a friend, she got down and prayed. She prayed to God in thanks for the decision. She prayed for her people accross the nation who were now able to marry the person they loved. And she prayed for all those growing up, that they would see how accepted and loved they are.
We arrived home around 4 a.m. and were dead tired. As we washed the night from our faces and settled into bed, I felt something in my pocket. At first I was confused because I didn’t remember putting anything in there. But as I pulled out my hand I saw a small, scribbled note. It was from Frida, and it read:
“Do not be afraid to love, do not be afraid to be you. I, we are your family. We love you, and we want you to be happy. Now pass it on, and share it with ‘the people who you love.”
This represented exactly what Pride is about. This is what San Francisco has given me. Tomorrow, I will be sailing in the bay with my friend’s two uncles. They are madly in love and overflowing with kindness. For me, that is what marriage means; commitment to the one you love, and a plethora of kindness and love for all those around you. Happy pride my friends.
Day Two at San Francisco Pride
I was up before my friends as my alarm was still set at 7 a.m. from the previous week. I woke everyone up and was ready to go sailing on the bay with one of my friend’s uncles.
Joe and David are a happily married gay couple from San Francisco. They recently bought a sailboat and joined a gay sailing club. The fleet had docked in the harbor by the AT&T Stadium in celebration of pride. When Joe greeted us at the gate, he explained the rules of the boat and what we should expect. When we got there, David gave us another brief rundown of the rules, and how long we would be out.
The sailboat was gorgeous and the weather was fine. I could see rainbow flags on many of the boats around us. As we left the dock the wind picked up and somehow the atmosphere became lighter. They played some disco, and pop music while my friends and I took turns steering the boat. Joe and David talked about how happy they were, the friends they made in the boat club, and how amazing the ruling in favor of marriage equality was.
When it came time for me to take control of the boat, I panicked. I only lasted ten minutes before handing it off to the next person. As I took my seat next to Joe, I saw something between them.
He was looking at David with such intensity I could feel it radiating off of him. He is in love with David in a way I have never experienced, and I couldn’t help but yearn to have what they have, with my own someone, one day.
They said they were married back when gay marriage was first legalized before Prop. 8. Since then, they had been working hard for other LGBTQ couples to have the same freedom to marry the one that they loved.
After about an hour, we docked once again, and said our goodbyes to Joe and David. It was now time to eat dinner and get ready for the night.
Admittedly it took longer than expected to get ready — especially because we all ended up taking a long nap. By the time we went out it was late and we were nervous about being able to enjoy the celebration. When we arrived out at the Pink Party — the after party for Saturday Pride — I started a dialogue with a police officer.
According to him, the force was out at 80 percent like usual. He told me that he didn’t mind serving and protecting the people of San Francisco. He added that it would be the same on Sunday, and that he knew he would be out there celebrating out of uniform.
Inside the bar we met a lesbian couple and gay couple. They had just gotten engaged, and were celebrating like the rest of us. The music prevented me from hearing all they were saying, but what stuck with me the most was this; both couples said they could not live without their partners.
The night was over, my friends and I got back into the hotel out of energy. While the girls slept, my friend’s fiancé and I talked. He had proposed to her in December of 2014, and they were planning to be married in December of this year. I asked him what he thought about marriage equality and all the excitement of pride. It took him a moment to respond but he said that he doesn’t have too many gay friends. He grew up in a military family, and there wasn’t a lot of talk about gay issues. But then he continued on, and said something that truly struck a cord with me.
“If you love someone the way I love Emily there is no reason not to get married. I can’t imagine not being able to spend the rest of my life with her, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”
He went to bed soon after, and I stayed up looking at various social media. There were a lot of rainbow Facebook photos and tweets in support of LGBTQ persons, and most importantly love. I cried because I was happy, because we won, because someday when I love someone like Kyle loves Emily, no one can tell me I can’t be with him.
Love. Always. Wins.
