In Defense of Small Talk

An introvert’s unpopular opinion: Small talk is (and in a lot of ways) essential and enjoyable

Small talk is a test of character.

For most people out there, it is considered a grueling social interaction that easily activates one’s fight-or-flight instinct. Its formulaic conversation origins have been tagged as unimportant discussions and demeaning to what others consider as displays of intellectual depth.

Then there are those who brand themselves as intellectuals, continuously mumbling about preferring to weigh in more on their acquired knowledge of philosophy, politics, or whatever they can think of as an intimidating subject (or worse, any topic they believe is cool just because it’s off the mainstream).

We know these types of people, and, at some point we fell under this category too.

But truthfully, small talk isn’t as bad as we’ve been recently conditioned to believe. It helps us navigate through a hierarchy of information, allowing us to transition to better topics the more information we take in by the minute. It is a gateway to communicating ideas while working your way into establishing trust and comfort between you and the people you’ve just met (or the family members you chose not to interact with for a long time).

If we take on the responsibility to facilitate and encourage discussion — which I would assume is an easy task for those who proclaim they love tackling life’s most difficult questions — then small talk wouldn’t remain as purposeless communication.

Maybe you’re looking at these minute interactions the wrong way. I don’t blame you. It’s always assumed that there is lack of sincerity whenever we try to fill in the dead air.

But the way I see it, small talk is a practice on sincerity and listening — it’s only through the authenticity of these two variables that we are able to pick out interesting insights from the quickest of conversations.

Small talk asks questions that often require one-line responses. “How are you doing?” can be phrased in a million different ways, but if people were so adept to exchanges that disperse in meaning, how come we never really jump in and answer the unspoken follow-up questions of whys?

Being comfortable with small talk is possible when you’re willing and capable of understanding what motivates your actions and sustains your impulses (easily and all at once) when these kinds of questions are thrown at you.

The more you are able to articulate these self proclamations out loud, the more you get this sense of confidence in your level of self-awareness moving forward.

This can’t be emphasized enough: Interest must be genuine. Small talk should be an equal exchange, where one consciously finds insight in between facts, foibles and, at times, friction.

Continuously shift the attention to other people besides yourself. Ask interesting questions. Put yourself out there. Take in what you can learn from their perspective.

Think about it, if you still believe small talk is an unbearable, excruciating social interaction then maybe — just maybe — you’re doing the whole thing wrong.