Do. Not. Settle.
I was on the phone with a very dear friend last week. I was asking him advice about what I should do after finishing school.
Should I try to start my own company?
Or work in a startup?
Or actually join a bigger company and gain some experience?
Everyone is already starting to worry about jobs. Should I start worrying as well?
I loved our discussion. He gave me blurry advice, and I couldn’t tell what option he was leaning towards. I’m pretty sure he did that on purpose to help me get to my own conclusions. But there’s one sentence he said that struck a chord with me.
Do not settle.
Arriving to a new environment is a difficult time for the mind.
There is a need to make friends. There is a fear to be rejected. There are all kinds of self-questioning thoughts running around in my head.
And there is also an easy way out. Conforming.
Con·form: behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards.
I understand. I’m not judging. It’s a natural response. I’ve done it. I still do it. And will probably keep doing it in some extent.
But as I try to be self-aware, this is what I say to conformity:
Hell NO.
Conforming to what everyone says.
Conforming to what everyone does.
Conforming to what everyone thinks.
I won’t say I agree if I don’t.
I won’t laugh at racist jokes just because the whole group is chuckling.
I won’t start looking for a job already since it doesn’t make sense for me.
I won’t try to get a job at Google, Facebook or Apple because it’s the cool thing to do.
I won’t binge drink on Friday nights because everyone else does it.
No way.
Now that’s not easy. It’s HARD to stand by my core values and not feel questioned when they are so different from those of most people around me.
Still, I force myself to disregard the potential judgement of others.
I’ll go to yoga and meditate, even if some think it’s a hippie-weirdo thing to do.
I’ll go to bed early on a Thursday night because I choose to make the most of my day.
I’ll continue writing about my thoughts, whatever people think.
Maybe I won’t try to find a job right a way, and will spend my first six months as post-graduate traveling around.
Maybe I’ll become a yoga teacher and have a nomad lifestyle for a while.
Who knows.
I’m not judging any behavior. At least, I’m honestly trying really hard not to.
Some attitudes simply don’t align with my current belief systems, nor my short and long-term goals.
So, however tempting is it to go with everyone else’s flow, the greatest gift I’ve made to myself so far is to fight Conformity really, really hard.
And then, life’s magic occurs.
The more I push back, the more I repel people who are not aligned with my goals and values. Does that sound bad? It’s not.
This is my filter to actually attract people who will drive me forward. Help me achieve my goals. Support my lifestyle. Let me discover new possibilities and ideas that I will grow from.
And keep the ones who will drag me down at bay.
I consciously say No to a number of potential average relationships, without having the certitude that more beneficial ones will come. But they do. They naturally do.
So, I just keep my eyes and heart open to whatever life sends over. The rest is up to me.
This is the way I’ve found to be happy in my life. It’s a work in progress, but every time I manage to say No unapologetically, my inner sense of courage, worth and freedom grow. And that just feels good.
Thanks for reading me!
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