The Power of Vulnerability
Vul·ner·a·bil·i·ty — noun: the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Being exposed. Giving an opening for being attacked or harmed. Why would one ever want to be vulnerable?
I don’t naturally want to show vulnerability. Actually, for years I would come out of my way to hide my vulnerabilities. I would want to show how strong of a woman I was.
Why ?
I had the misconception that vulnerability = weakness.
But I realized that this is untrue.
Weak·ness—noun: the state or condition of lacking strength.
Brené Brown researched and talked about this extensively. She explains that our purpose in life is connection, and connection can only happen as a result of authenticity. That to feel connected, we need to allow ourselves to be fully seen.
That’s how I would define vulnerability. Opening ourselves, exposing ourselves to be truly seen. It takes courage to show our imperfections, because we’re so afraid they could challenge our sense of being worthy of connection.
Think about it. When we feel shame, it’s because we’re afraid that what we do could disconnect us from others.
But in her research, Brown found that the only difference between people who had a strong sense of worthiness and those who didn’t was the former group embraced vulnerability. It doesn’t mean they enjoyed it— it’s still uncomfortable for everyone. However, they didn’t see it as painful either, but rather as a necessity to connect and eventually feel love, joy and gratitude.
Embracing vulnerability
That is why I try to practice embracing vulnerability. For me, that means purposefully putting myself out there.
- I do that with blogging, as I always try to be slightly uncomfortable about my articles before hitting Publish. What I share is often personal, and it cracks open the image I had always wanted to convey of the bad-ass perfect woman.
- I just arrived in a brand new environment. My need for connection is at it’s peak. So, while meeting new people and making new friends, I force myself to show vulnerability, to truly open up as a way to connect instead of displaying the image of an over-confident person. Yes, I am scared to be here. Yes, I feel my self-confidence is challenged among all these special smart people. Yes, this is hard.
Turns out everyone feels the same way and shares the same fears.
Opening up actually creates a virtuous circle of other people feeling more comfortable to expose themselves to you. What, you too feel, the same way I do ?
Don’t get me wrong, showing vulnerability doesn’t mean you have to undermine yourself. I see it as a simple yet fully acceptant acknowledgement of our own imperfections, without judgment nor attachment.
Connecting to others
I love when people show vulnerability, because it makes me feel reassured. I’m not perfect but they, whom I admire so much, aren’t either.
I have a huge admiration for my first boss who is an incredible entrepreneur. It seemed like he always knew what to do, how to react, and I have rarely met anyone who’s so driven.
So when he started sharing with me the struggles he had been through and was still experiencing behind the curtains, I didn’t feel disappointed.
I was surprised. I thought he couldn’t feel those questioning feelings. Why would he ? He seemed so strong and perfect. But he explained to me he purposefully showed me that other side of him, just as his own mentors did, because he knew how important it was in order to let people in.
I admired him even more. I felt closer to him, and beyond being so impressive, he became relatable.
Vulnerability is not a weakness. It’s an incredible strength that requires courage, a willingness to show ourselves as we are and to say I am enough.
