Interval 3: Have you ever felt panicky?

Have you ever felt panicky? Like everything’s unraveling inside and outside of you? It’s like these past few months, I mean past couple of years, I’ve felt like I’m in a nightmare. Not all the time, not every day, but when it happens…. Ugh. I’m sorry it took so long to get back here. It’s been about four months? Last I wrote, it was March, the war in Ukraine had just begun… I literally had to go back to my calendar app on my phone to see what was going on when I stopped writing.

Did I arbitrarily stop writing just because I’m not focused or was something else going on? I’ve had these on again off again experiences — where I start something and …. months go by and I’m back wondering why didn’t I keep going? What took me off the path?

This was the first time I checked the calendar to see, no that’s not true. This is the first time I’m intentionally talking about this freeze, this stop. There were things going on. Events I’m not at liberty to discuss right now. I will someday. As I roll this around in my thoughts, I’m thinking I have subconsciously created a way to compartmentalize events, not in my plans, in order to get through them.

Meaning, when I get to the other side of the event, I’ve changed in some way, as we all do, and my initial plans are relegated to a no-to-low priority.