Interval 8: one word

June 23, 2024

I’m not sure what’s going on. What’s stopping me from telling you this story. Sometimes it’s as though this vice, this grip on my soul — is stopping me. What is it? Oh gosh, this is so hard. Or is it? Right? Maybe I should go back to the beginning. No, not my beginning, but her beginning — at least a part of it.

Those were my thoughts, a little over two years ago. I said, I’m not sure. Hmph. I didn’t know it back then, but I knew something was happening. I was second guessing myself. Again.

Déjà vu? Yes and/or I’m stuck.

I just read from June 9, 2024, a couple of weeks ago. Same words — same thoughts.

I’m stuck. What is the stuck point? I’m afraid of finding out this isn’t going to work. It’s been too long. I’m not going to find Rebecca or her … I mean, my granddaughter.

Okay, so what evidence do I have to not find her? Well, it’s been several years. My feelings of fear based on? What?

…

One piece of advice, don’t second guess yourself. Ask questions about your thought process.

Am I processing information on a whim? Out of anger? Just to fit in? with little context? When I’m hungry, tired, sleepy, sick, afraid, hurt, — you get it.