Making It Happen

As a student in high school I could be described as a scholar-athlete, an active student on the Model United Nations team, a secretariat member of MEChA, an ASB advertising director, and a freshman mentor. A model student avoiding any trouble and abiding the rules of the school. As a first generation Mexican-American born to two Mexican immigrant parents, I would become the first to achieve multiple American milestones. I would be the first high school graduate, the first to attend college, and the first to experience the realities of being an Mexican-American. Throughout my childhood, my family would continuously remind me that I would be the first “to make it happen.”

That summer following my high school graduation, I began to experience mixed emotions of nervousness and excitement for my first fall semester at Cal State Fullerton in 2009. I realized that I would have to experience my first year in college alone. No one in my family attended or experienced college, as I felt that no one could be my mentor. A sense of intimidation would not knowing what to expect and how the college system functions. Fortunately for myself, coming from a middle to lower income family, the financial support from scholarships became a dependable source of aid during my first years in college. Despite the financial aid, my family would learn that this would not be enough for the surprise expenses of college such as parking tickets, permits, and books. Once again, the reoccurring thought of the financial strain that college could put on my family’s finances would continue to revisit my mind. My first “adult” solution towards financial independence, removing myself as a burden to my parents, would be finding a job in retail.

While attending classes full-time, performing fairly well and finding balance in my own college life experience by working part time in retail. Throughout the semester I became friends with classmates, who at the time were unfamiliar strangers. Listening to their stories about their lives back home, I became curious about their lives in unfamiliar cities. Raised in Tustin, a small conservative town in Orange County, everything outside of that town became a new experience. To put this into perspective, no one could believe my unfamiliarity with most of Los Angeles, and other surrounding cities. My curiosity to explore became my obsession. Soon enough, driving south to San Diego to party with friends for the night, and driving back the following morning for work, in Orange County, became my escaping thrill. Befriending strangers, venturing to unfamiliar cities and experiencing life outside the “Orange Curtain”, as this became my new interest. I became fascinated and comfortable with the idea of driving around in the cold night air of San Diego with the windows down, as my friends at our greasy California burritos.

There is no science to my new found attitude and outlook towards life. I found my escape from the realities at home, and instead looked towards the unknown freedoms that were kept from me. Exploring the “dangers” that my own parents would raise me to keep away from, I wanted to prove them wrong.

I developed a relax attitude towards school, I didn’t want to take my life seriously just yet, but I would find my motivation and drive once again in retail. The idea to climb the corporate ladder seems satisfying for someone who sees a future in upper management and of course is in need of the extra income. Working and attending school full time became a challenging relationship and strain for myself. As a marketing student at Cal State Fullerton the demanding gateway classes, like accounting, always found a way to discourage students with their overwhelming course work. When work became disappointing, school seemed as the ideal escape and visa verse. At the young age of nineteen I felt proud bragging about being a manager for a street fashion company called Tillys and assuming more responsibilities. I would find my success in my role through the encouraging praise and recognitions for my work and achievements that built my confidence. Managing employees of all ages, I found passion towards building teams, scheduling, and overseeing operations.

Entering my second year, I was beginning to feel like a failure, as someone who found themselves in the shadows of their classmates entering my second year of college. Compared to my years in high school, I lost touch with my discipline towards academic success. I began to repeat classes that normally did require students to spend more time in studying, and focusing on the material. I convinced myself that this strenuous routine could not apply to someone with my job title. With working as a manager I had allowed myself to become distracted, I was focusing on a career path that would be short term compared to a promising college degree.

My life at work became my escape drug, I felt that gaining my financial independence became immediately rewarding and assuring of my goals in management. The troubling question emerges, “Was my work becoming an escape from my temporary problems in school?”

Certainly, no student could argue that they would not enjoy the extra income that would afford them the books they required, purchasing their expensive parking permits, and afford fun on the side with friends. Of course with any promotion at work, I became aware that I would be assuming more responsibilities. My flexible schedule would require having my days at school become my days off from work. “But how do you do it?” would become a frequent question asked. I knew of no other third year college student could possibly be attending school full time, and have a full-time management position and be sane. Balancing my responsibilities at work, and managing my time at school became a challenge and a concern as I began to retake classes only to fall further behind the rest of the graduating class.

Rather than taking accountability for my own actions, I began to blame my current employer for becoming too demanding with (their )scheduling. Desperately wanting my time back to myself to fix the errors made throughout my academic performance, I made the decision to leave my employer. Making the transition from apparel to specializing in fashion shoes I began to network with those high in the fashion world of South Coast Plaza, where the opportunity to enhance my management skills could be possible. Realistically this new job opportunity became another excuse to run from my problems at school. Finally finding a solution to one problem, I found myself buried in my own academic failure by my fourth year in school. I would always remember this, as the year I should have graduated. I soon was facing another challenge when the school revoked my scholarship for the next semester because of my poor academic performance could no longer continue to blame anyone or anything for this mistake other than myself.

But where exactly did I commit my error? Reflecting back on the year, I became financially stable, an individual with discipline and responsibility, and a leader. With more responsibilities, I began to realize that such distractions, like partying, and traveling to unfamiliar cities, would have to come to a stop and that my priorities would need to change completely. The following year of the 2014 academic year would become the most eye-opening experience for myself. I had failed three of four classes due to my commitment to my new job, due to the high demand of the holiday season from the fall in retail, and the high demand for improving the stores profit margin throughout the spring. I once again found myself in the same trouble between two of my most struggling commitments, school, and work. If I had any doubt in the past about feeling lost in my academic path, I truly felt fear in what could possibly be the next outcome. I could no longer outrun my academic fears, outrun the school, and outrun my own denial.

Throughout these years I kept my academic performance private, of course being the first of my family to attend college they had no clear understanding as to what I was studying, or how I was performing academically. Communicating to my parents was an unexpected challenge that I thought I would never have to find myself in this situation. How does someone explain their own failures to parents that are unfamiliar to what college is? As anyone could guess, the Latin furry could be felt. The real heartbreaking moment at the end of the conversation between my parents is that they didn’t understand why I wouldn’t trust them enough to support me financially. Both my parents would work long-hours, sacrificing weekends to provide. Their goals were my goals. My father always expected the best from my own work, from sports, and from my success in school. Disappointing those that believed in me the most, became the moment I would wake up.

That same year, the spring semester of 2014, one of my best friends would graduate from Cal State Fullerton. We shared the same path going back and forth between retail management positions and school, as our initial bond, in which I would soon confide in her for guidance. Through our conversations, she mentioned that she had been working closely with an academic advisor who helped her for several semesters get back on track for graduation. For myself, it never occurred to seek help, I had always felt embarrassed of where I stood academically and felt that I would be judged for my mistakes. Compared to where I was as a student in high school to the student that I would become in college, they were two distinguishable individuals out of sync with one another.

Introducing myself to an academic advisor, Joshua Loudon, for the first time felt relatable to that of an uncomfortable first date, the kind that anyone would want to end after the first ten minutes. This meeting was something that could no longer be avoided. I made the decision to take a leave of absence for the incoming fall semester off. During this break, I would find the time to bring clarity to my mind, and rebuild my relationship with my family by being home more often to help around the house and to attend our family functions. Taking the time off from school I wanted to ensure that I could understand my new academic plan for the spring semester of 2015. My academic advisor would become more than just a reliable source for information, but a close mentor within Cal State Fullerton. I finally felt like I could find trust in my own academic path, and trust in someone who genuinely cares for my own success within the school. Although it required making the frustrating decision to change my major from business marketing, I found a personal connection with a career in public relations. I would soon find out that public relations would be the creative element of business, and a relationship building science that interested me the most.

Coming back to attend the spring semester in 2015 to a clear academic path, I knew that I could finally take the time to learn the material in class. For the first time in years I felt a sense of excitement to be back in school. I recognized that this would be my opportunity to redeem myself as the student that “made it happen” once. Throughout my time at Cal State Fullerton I did have some great successes in a handful of classes, even special acknowledgments from professors, but as one could tell, it is easier to focus on the negative experiences rather than the positive. I will always remind myself of the time that a business professor, one who most students feared, would present me with a private invitation. She would approach me with encouraging words that I she sees potential in my talents, and would not be surprised that one day I would be a CEO of a company. What makes this story ironic is that she praised me for my own business experience, my ideas and active participation in the classroom. The extra invitation that would be presented to me would be for a private networking event hosted by the college of business. Normally this event would be reserved for students with above average academic performance. I would laugh at the irony once more, but I welcomed the opportunity without hesitation to attend.

I would change employers one last time to make the adjustments that I needed to fulfill to make my academic success a priority. This time, I would only take a small position as a full-time sales associate with a well-known retail department store that would respect my academic goals.

So I sit here now, a soon to be graduate of Cal State Fullerton from the school of communications ready to finish the last academic requirement to receive my diploma. Receiving this diploma would mark my college experience as one the most self-rewarding experiences of my life. Learning from my own journey, I am ready to pass on my own knowledge to my own family, and my younger cousins who will be graduating high school in a few years. They too will be the first for their families, and they will not make the same mistakes I made. Unlike my story, they will have someone who has experienced college. I am encouraged by those who are a witness to my story to reflect back on this experience as proof of my own character. I am someone who over came their self-doubt, persevered through my own obstacles, and fueled by my determination to make it happen.