I’m not ‘Outdoorsy’ enough
And do I really have to pee in the woods? (yes).
On one afternoon in that lazy haze between Christmas and New Years, I was on my couch with my cat when Nick texted asking if I wanted to go to Hawaii with him in just six weeks’ time. At least, I thought that’s what was happening when he told me that band he works for would be playing a show on the Big Island and the end of February…and he was thinking it’d be awesome to tack on a trip to Kauai (the Hawaiian island he’d always wanted to visit)…and he knew it was short notice…and that it would be hard to swing with work but… what did I think?!
What did I think? I thought that I needed to be totally sure that this great guy I’d been dating for a few months had actually just asked me to go to Hawaii with him before responding HELL YES! A few texts later, and it was clear that was exactly what he meant. And so I typed an emphatic HELL YES!
When we were reunited after a few weeks apart for the holidays, we plunged into planning mode. I requested for the vacation time at work. Nick ordered a guide book and read it late into the night. We selected my flight and added it into the budget. And as we transitioned quickly from the fantasy mode into the logistical mode, it became clear that this trip to Kauai was not going to be a sit-on-the-beach-with-a-book vacation — it was going to be a full-on adventure. Nick had his sights set on the world famous Kalalau Trail, camping under the stars, and hiking all day in the lush rainforests and desert mountain trails, and I was too… in theory…. but in truth, I was also terrified.
You see, I had never been camping outside of my backyard as a kid. I’d hiked maybe twice in my 29 years on this planet. I’d never even peed in the woods, nor was I sure that I liked the idea of that at all. I didn’t own hiking boots, or even a sleeping bag for that matter. And as I shamefully admitted all of this to Nick, I feared that I was not outdoorsy enough for Kauai, for our vacation, or for him.
Growing up, my mom would joke: “Some moms take their kids to the park, I take mine to Nordstroms!” And that much was true. I am a trained Irish Dancer, and on the surface, the performative aspect of that was rife with pageantry. And yes, I certainly could play that part and even thrive under the spotlight and spray tan when it was my turn to perform. But the truth was, I always felt my truest self in the studio doing the hard work, grinding through the training and the pain. I love a challenge. One that is real and not performance. And I absolutely hate the mall.
To be clear, this isn’t a blog dedicated to how I changed for my boyfriend. It is about hiking and me. And how connecting with nature along many trails around the country has changed and continues to change me. Covid-19 hit right after our trip to Kauai (more on that later) and our lives were turned upside down (definitely more on that later). Throughout this time, Nick and I have moved around and spent time with both of our families, and we’ve hiked everywhere we have gone. It has been our refuge and our release. Our safe place to go, even if we’ve never been there before. The conversations we’ve had while deep in a trail, on an incline, or at the top of a summit have strengthened our relationship. And learning to pee in the woods, learning that I love to fall asleep bundled up under the stars, learning how to climb and deal with altitude and the elements, has challenged me and strengthened me and continues to do so. I look forward to telling you a bit about what I’ve learned along the way.
